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Thu, Oct. 29th, 2009, 06:45 am
Hate File #87

Colder Days, Warmer Nights


Avid readers of my blog might have noticed that some of my posts are missing. They know this because they have subscribed to my blog via Google Reader (http://reader.google.com) and the posts that were showing up on their feeds weren't showing up on my blog anymore.

Screenshot from Master Howard's Google Reader

I checked my posts and, sure enough, it turned out that my posts were marked as Restricted by the good folks who monitor content here at LiveJournal. The common complaint for all the removed posts was that they were deemed offensive by another LiveJournal user. That user had every reason to be offended; after all, they were all about her, namely the woman whom I've loved and hated since god knows when.

Screenshot from The Highway Star's Google Reader

I've been bowdlerized! F*ck! Because of The Gail Bitch! Double f*ck!

Well, I really shouldn't be surprised. After all, this blog has been nothing less than censorship bait ever since its first post! Each post of THP version 1.0 (2004-2005) was carefully laced with just enough sexual innuendo and verbal violence, and also had an expected life expectancy of three days before it was due for banning by the censors. Thankfully, none of them was scratched off before the last post was written.

So this is the first time I've been bowdlerized on LiveJournal. Rather than go to war with these guys, I'd rather save up enough money to get my own Internet hosting (GailIsAFuckingBitch.com sound good?) so that I can unleash hell on that Gail Bitch without content restrictions. In the meantime, I better edit my posts and remove Gail's last name so that LiveJournal can get those posts back online again.

To celebrate my first LiveJournal complaint, I've replaced all mentions of Gail's last name with my custom "100% Bitch Free" seal of approval. Can't believe it took me four years to get this far; guess I have to amp up the hate around here to get noticed. Don't worry, loyal readers; if you want the director's cut then you can just e-mail me and I'll gladly send you a copy of the archived original versions.

100% Bitch Free

Also, look out for a version of this blog on GitHub (http://www.github.com). Thanks to Reginald Brainwaithe for the inspiration. What could be cooler than having your blog on version control, right?


National Novel Writing Month (a.k.a. Nanowrimo) is upon us! It's that time of the year when I unleash my creative juices with people around the world in a 30-day writing frenzy! I can't wait to write my second novel; hopefully it's going to turn out less crappy than last year's.

Last year's novel (Love in the time of Subversion) was about love in the workplace, and it had a very serious tone. This year's novel is set in a software development company (again), inspired by events in my life (again), and flavored with references readily appreciated by software developers (again). The primary differences are in the topic and the tone: the novel is about employee disgruntlement, and it's going to be a comedy.

The title? The simplest title I could come up with, of course: Love in the time of Subversion... 2.

This year, I won't take Nanowrimo as seriously. Hey, I really don't expect to write the great Filipino novel; this time around, I'm just going to go out and have some fun. I ran out of ideas last year, so now I'm gathering various comedy tips and tricks in preparation before the writing starts on the first of November. I won't try the Snowflake Method anymore, since my plot could drive itself to hell for all I care.

Plot Summary

The forces of good and evil clash in the one of the world's greatest battlegrounds: a small software development company brimming with covert violence and smoldering with steamy office sex.

John Mark, the unrecognized hero behind so many software projects, races to rescue his company from bankruptcy, all the while unaware that his teammate of two years, Ruth, has fallen madly in love with him. Things come to a head on that fateful day when everybody's computer monitor gets smeared by condiments from each employee's fastfood lunch, mixed with his or her personal snot or spit. Will John Mark be able to save the day again, or will he turn over to the "dark side" and become yet another apathetic and disgruntled software developer?

A really awful comedy set in the heart of geek land! Fun for the whole family!

Main Characters

The Silent Hero - John Mark used to write computer programs with a passion. Now, he just wants to quit software development altogether, because of all the crap he has experienced while working at his company (i.e. bad managers, bad clients, etc.). Secretly in love with his QA engineer.

The Loud One - All her life, Ruth never took any piece of crap from anybody, and she continues to fight for what she believes in. She's kind of like your big sister: annoying, protective, and never admits that she was wrong. Secretly in love with John Mark.

The New Guy - Ben arrives at the company straight out of college. His fresh ideas and boundless energy bring color and fun back to the otherwise lifeless office. John Mark takes him in and becomes his mentor.

The Old Guy - Alan Howard is a veteran of many battles, and his tours de force at the office are the stuff of which legends are made. He was once a mentor to John Mark, before his idealism and dreams faded away.

The Office Slut - Amber is a work less, play hard kind of manager, who likes nothing more at the end of the work day than a night of free beer and riotous sex. Bitchy at times, but generally harmless.

The Big Bad Boss - Rajster is the evil boss. Nobody likes him, everybody hates him, and he puts his people through a wringer every single day. Remember the pointy-haired boss from the Dilbert comics? Something like that, but a little less ignorant and a little more wicked.

Help the Cause!

From Chris Baty, that great man who started Nanowrimo, comes a simple call for help (http://www.nanowrimo.org/eng/wheredonationsgo):

When you donate to the Office of Letters and Light, you are giving the gift of inspiration and encouragement to people of all ages in all 50 US states and more than 90 countries.

For how many years now, Nanowrimo has helped me continue my personal growth as a writer and as a person. Chris and the rest of the people at the Office of Letters and Light do this not out of money (they're a non-profit), but because they want to make this world a better place. Guess what. They actually succeeded. These guys actually make a difference, year after every f*cking year, in the lives of billons of writers, all around the f*cking world.

That's why it breaks my heart whenever I see them write about their heartaches (http://www.nanowrimo.org/eng/history#yearnine) like this:

In the summer of 2007, the Office of Letters and Light had the credit reserves of a Girl Scout troop. We sputtered into October on fumes, relaunching thanks to a new, smaller loan from our bank and some personal financial heroics from staff.

By the way, at this point, I really feel like crying my eyeballs off. These guys are good guys, and they only want to do good things for other people. So why the hell do they have to suffer like this? Is the world so unfair as to let good men and women suffer just because other people won't help them out?

These were the two toughest months of my NaNo life. I spent October and early November in a bolt of sour adrenaline, putting out fires, trying to explain and apologize for ongoing technical issues, working to keep staff coordinated and prevent them from feeling overwhelmed by their ridiculous to-do lists, writing and recording the weekly podcasts, and working on my own novel, all while trying to raise the hundreds of thousands of dollars needed to pay for the main and YWP events and set aside enough to make sure Wrimos and staff wouldn't have to go through this again in 2008.

So, if you are a Nanowrimo participant this year, then I highly urge you to help the cause. Help these guys. Help Nanowrimo by giving a simple donation.

The guys behind this annual event may be performing amazing acts of greatness and magnanimity that no ordinary person would usually do, but, guess what, they're still human. If we cut them then they will bleed. They have suffered headaches over money like so many of us do, they experience frustration and disappointment like so many of us do, and they will eventually give up the good fight like so many of us do... unless we help them.

Hopefully, this year, I would no longer have to read any of this:

So it was very tough to run the numbers at the end of the event, and see that almost 10,000 NaNoWriMo winners hadn't donated. These folks had been inspired by our challenge, had enjoyed the forums and the pep, and had successfully written 50,000-word novels, validated them on our site, and collected their winner's certificates. When they won, we asked them to contribute whatever they felt the experience had been worth. And 10,000 chose the round, round number of $0.

If everybody chips in, even just a little bit, then maybe these guys wouldn't be having such a hard time.

Raichusness donated 10 bucks.
Doesn't take much to get that little halo over there.

I'm very proud to say that I'm doing my part and trying my best to help out in any way I can. (^_^) Mad props to my brother for helping me out again with the payment this year.

Sun, Sep. 13th, 2009, 03:11 pm
Hate File #86

In many ways, it was the end of... of... je ne sais quoi...

Gail: hey, i've been leaving you messages here every now and then. you just don't reply.
Raichu: i don't reply because i'd rather not talk with you when you decide to be mean and say things like
Gail: you get mean first
Raichu: "Alam mo kung an0ng problema sa iyo? Daig mo pa babae kung mag-inarte ka. I just asked when's your birthday. Walang dahilan. Just asked. Does everything need to be a big fucking deal with you? Whatever, raichu. The w0rld d0esn't revolve ar0und you. Believe that." Well, whatever. "alam mo kung anong problema mo? you act as if i've committed a crime when all i did was ask. is everything a big deal with you? you've lived a wonderful life w/o me, i've lived 3 relatively hate-free years w/o you, so if you can't give me the reason why you're annoyed w/o being nice then BUZZ OFF." this isn't going to work, gail. i'm sorry, but thanks, anyway.
Gail: mygahddddddd
Gail: so when's your birthday?
Raichu: secret.
Gail: why? what's the point?
Raichu: i don't like my birthday. my friends and co-workers think i'm insane.
Gail: huh? why?
Raichu: if you're really curious, you can treat me out for dinner and i'll tell you.
Gail: hahahaha i am NOT that curious
Gail: how about you treat me out for dinner and then you tell me
Gail: hahahaha
Raichu: why on earth would i treat you out for dinner when you treat me like crap every single time?
Gail: oh you know why
Raichu: and you know why
Raichu: too
Gail: hahahaha hey, i don't treat you like crap every single time
Gail: i just start doing so when you start becoming an asshole
Raichu: i don't treat you like crap every single time either. hyperbole is just more dramatic.
Gail: sometime i think this is a dance we'll be dancing until we're like 50 or something hahaha
Raichu: and we all know you're a big part of that becoming process, right?
Raichu: remember the last thing i told you when i left lei's house? i was at the gate, you were seeing me off
Gail: well, you're also a big part of my becoming a bitch
Gail: and?
Raichu: i said "someday, we'll be laughing about this, won't we?" and you said "why would we laugh?" and then i left.
Gail: oh god, i've forgotten that
Raichu: i haven't. you don't remember, huh? oh well.
Gail: minsan kasi i just ask questions. minsan hindi rhetorical. minsan simple lang. minsan hindi komplikado.
Raichu: instead of doing this over y!m, while we're both working, just treat me out for dinner, right? yes? no? dance? last chance.
Gail: hahahaha yeah, i guess i owe you dinner. you're my on and off girlfriend for the longest time. hahahaha
Raichu: great. text me. adieu.
Gail: take care
Sharon Abigail Anne I. Bitch100% Bitch Free
I should have kissed Gail when I had the chance.

I have had a happy life for 3 years without her. The only times I post her name on this blog are when she contacts me. I want her in my arms, in my bed, in my life, and she makes my life fucking miserable.

The same day Gail contacted me on Yahoo Messenger, I texted back, just to know how she was doing. I told her that we would fade away from each other someday (FORESHADOWING).

i don't think we'd fade away from each other. Hahaha
- 20:37:43, 7 Jul 2009

I texted back: "Is that a dare?" She replied:

Oh you are so going to do it. You're doing it already, actually.
- 21:25:38, 7 Jul 2009

Two months later, we said our final "fuck off"s and goodbyes.

hey. guess what. i checked your lj and saw my full name again. i don't know how many times i have to tell you how irresponsible that is. and you wonder why i call you an asshole over and over again. to think that i seriously missed you which led me to LJ land only to see how big an asshole you are and how unworthy you are to be missed. you break my heart.
- 21:19:38, 6 sep 2009
fuck off, gail. whenever i get happy enough to stop missing you, you pull this angry shit w/c just makes me want to write about you more. either we get together after work for insults & drinks together, or just stop txting me completely. no fuss, no muss, ayt?
- 21:27:54, 6 Sep 2009
I'm not angry, I'm sad. I'm sad that you're still the kind of person who has no respect for other people's privacy.
- 21:29:50, 6 Sep 2009
oh, gail, you don't get it, ha ha ha.Ü blog post na naman bukas; guess who's on it. bye.
- one minute later, 6 Sep 2009
goodbye, jess.
- 21:33:48, 6 Sep 2009

Jess the Bastard and Gail the Bitch

September 2000 - September 2009

Leave me alone and let me be happy, little girl.


Sat, Aug. 1st, 2009, 10:55 am
(this is not a hate file)

In many ways, it was the end of an era

Dearest Honeybear: Remember the first time we talked after our first kiss?  You told me that we should keep things simple, because we both knew where it was (or wasn't) going, and that we couldn't do this forever.  And I told you that it was okay, I understood completely, and that we'll only keep on doing this while we were still having fun.  We both promised that, as soon as it stopped being fun for either of us, we will end this right away.  Hon, we had a lot of fun, didn't we?  All this time, I can honestly say that this was the most fun part of my life.  Unfortunately, it's not that fun anymore.  That's why I'm breaking up with you.  I still love you, there are memories of us, there will always be a part of me that will love you forever.  It's just that it's not as fun anymore.

Raichu Natividad and Hazelnut Ramos

19 July 2000 - 31 July 2009

Two people who chose to write a little love story together

ILYHB (I love you, honeybear)

Sun, May. 24th, 2009, 04:23 pm
Hate File #85

Pahiyas 2009

Red Mage!

What is Pahiyas?

The old Tagalog word "pahiyas" means "to decorate", and that is exactly what the sleepy town of Lucban, Quezon does every year on May 15 when they celebrate the festival of San Isidro, the patron saint of the harvest. Houses throughout the town are adorned such that entire streets come alive in a rush of color and texture. This agriculture-themed festival doesn't use electric lights or pyrokinetics for its main attractions; instead, the surplus harvest is used to decorate the houses, with ornaments ranging from the paper-thin colored kiping (dried rice paste) to the mounted tableaus constructed from fruits and vegetables.

That's right. The Pahiyas festival is all about decorating with food. Quite different from the culinary art of garnishing, since houses instead of meals are given the special treatment of color and texture. This festival is about food, yet it's more of a visual treat than one for the palate.

I went to the Pahiyas last May 15 because, after seeing the beauty of it all last year, I knew I just had to go back. To fulfill my vow, I filed for a vacation leave at work, dragged my artist friend Mayen Marquez for the ride, and prepped myself up for that long twelve-hour commute to hell and back.

Surviving Pahiyas 2009

Never EVER take the south route... EVER...

No matter what anyone from Batangas or Quezon might tell you, the easiest way to Lucban does not involve a bus trip to Lucena. Seriously, that route takes around three hours longer than my regular route through Laguna.

If you ever decide to go to Pahiyas, and some well-meaning co-worker suggests that you take the bus to Lucena then take a ride to Lucban from there, then here's what you should do.

You should go straight to that person, and say up front that he or she is A TOTAL MORON, WHO DOESN'T KNOW A FUCKING THING ABOUT GETTING TO LUCBAN. Give it two seconds before you fire off a second salvo, telling him or her to SHUT THE FUCK UP, BECAUSE STUPID PEOPLE WHO CAN'T EVEN GIVE GOOD DIRECTIONS HAVE NO BUSINESS SPEAKING ABOUT ANY SHIT WHATSOEVER.

Seriously, the Laguna route is faster if you don't have private transportation and you're coming from anywhere but Batangas or Quezon. Just hitch a ride to Calamba, then, from there, get a jeep to Sta. Cruz. Over at Sta. Cruz, they have a jeep at the junction of the town road and the national highway that leads straight to Lucban. It's a lot cheaper, around a hundred bucks difference from the bus ticket to Lucban. It's a lot easier too, because there's hardly any traffic and the jeeps aren't as crowded as the bus. Also, provided that you reached Calamba by 5 a.m., you can reach Lucban by 8 a.m. if you take the Sta. Cruz jeepney from the Calamba central terminal, as opposed to the 12 p.m. arrival time that you're bound to get if you took the Lucena bus from Turbina.

See how easy that is? Compared to the route suggestion provided by Mayen's co-worker, the south route which cost us a lot of time getting there, the Laguna route is damn superior in every way. I took the Batangas-Quezon route this year because I thought Mayen's co-worker had inside knowledge on what commuting to Lucban really was like compared to my own explorations last year. After all the shit we had to wade through, I have nothing to say to Mayen's co-worker except that he or she IS A DUMBASS MODOFUCKING PIECE OF SHIT IDIOT WHO DESERVES NOTHING LESS THAN TO BE GUTTED WITH A SERRATED KNIFE.

What's even better about the Laguna route is that you have plenty of stops to gas up and take a rest. You can stock up on supplies at Sta. Cruz, such as food or water, before you head out to Lucban. This route, which hugs the edge of Laguna de Bay, gets you plenty of cigarette breaks too.


Make sure your company knows what "long road trip" means

This year, I brought along a friend, so that I'll have someone to carry my bags and take pictures for me. She likes little adventures, so I expected that she'd do well on a long road trip. Of course, I should have clarified with her what "long road trip" means. I thought that it would be ok, she thought everything would be all right, but, as Chaque Cipriano would say, the best laid plans of mice and men never turn out the way we want them to go.

For the record, I'm quite used to long commutes. I don't have a car, and I rely on public transportation to get to work every single day, which means that my body already has a good rhythm during those five hours of travelling to hell and back.

My friend, on the other hand, has a car, and her workplace is a five-minute drive away from her apartment. She isn't really used to sleeping during a road trip, since she does most of her driving, and I bet she didn't really care about conserving her energy during the bumpy ride over to Lucban.

The best way to conserve one's energy during a long road trip is to sleep, and I wasn't getting any sleep at all because she wasn't getting any sleep either. If I had travelled alone, I'd be refreshed by the time I got to Lucban. Instead, I had to keep asking my photographer to listen to the trip-hop and house tunes on my portable music player as some sort of pacifier just so that she'd lose all the tension. It's utterly draining to mind your friend every hour or so, but it wasn't her fault. The concept of energy conservation wasn't exactly on her mind, since the scenery and experience is always exciting for first-timers.

I'm grateful to her for taking lots of good pictures for me. There were some shots there that I would have missed if it weren't for her. All in all, it was fun watching her take an interest in every single thing, and it was an honor for me to have guided and accompanied her to the Pahiyas for her first trip. She even got a souvenir from her first trip, a small black Lucban shirt that was just her size.

Also, we had a real fun time having a quick lunch at Lucban. As any Pahiyas veteran knows, seating arrangements are horrible, and canopies are scarce in town; the restaurant Buddy's is an exception. Mayen and I ended up eating Jollibee hotdogs for lunch while standing up on a more quiet sidewalk, since all the other places were packed with people. Mayen commented that eating lunch without tables or seats was a new thing for her, and I pointed out that people in New York eat hotdogs from sidewalk vendors all the time, and they have no complaints about having their lunch while standing up.

"So I take it that this is your first time to eat like a New Yorker," I said.

"Yes, I'm eating like a New Yorker. In Lucban."

I found her observation quite hilarious, and we ended up laughing as we finished our lunch.

Look at all those pretty women

If there's one thing that I noticed about this year's Pahiyas festival compared to last year's, it's the apparent explosion of all those damn cute and sexy female tourists. I usually never see this many hawt (and when I say hot, I mean HOT) and gorgeous bodies within such a small span of time, and in such a crowded space. The only cute and sexy women that I can recall from last year were a couple of vendors from the local population. This year, however, I'd turn my head every five or so minutes to check out that cute tourist walking around in those damn tight and extremely short shorts, barely covering the tops of their creamy and silky smooth thighs.

Unfortunately, I wasn't really in the predator mode until we got back to the town of Sta. Cruz later that afternoon, after I got some much needed nourishment and rest. Also, most of the beautiful chicks there were accompanied by either their boyfriends, or by their parents.

Now, when it comes to boyfriends, I can handle that, but when they walk around with parental supervision, that's something I am totally unprepared for. How on earth in good conscience am I supposed to set my sights on scoring with these highschool girls when they're too young to even vote? I know that trying to get my hands on these teenage beauties amounts to statutory rape, and fucking around with them might eventually become bad karma for my future daughter.

Despite what my adult sensibilities warn me, I still can't help but fantasize about making out with one of these young girls, in their physical prime, with all the innocence of their age and none of the jadedness of mine. And, hey, what if one of them actually felt the same way and wanted me to choke her with my tongue, right? Yeah, I'm turning into a dirty old man, and I'll only get dirtier and nastier as I get older.

Pahiyas Rocks!

Look, I know she's under eighteen, okay?

Oh, I'm definitely going back next year.

Sun, Jan. 25th, 2009, 02:44 am
Hate File #84

Buzz Off

The following conversations were from around June 2008. Six months later, and Sharon Abigail Anne Bitch100% Bitch Free still treats me like dirt. So, when she criticized me again this January, for some inane reason, I just deleted her reply messages without reading them. It was the first time I've ever been nasty directly at her. I should have told her this a long time ago, and I'm saying it now.


I once gave Gail my immortal cheesy line "an apple a day keeps the doctor away, if aimed well," and she laughed the sweetest laugh... No more... No more f*cking around with the soul-sucking scum of the universe...

gail: you'd be happy to know raichu: happy to know what? g: that lei and i broke up r: what??? r: hey! g: hey r: what??? g: we broke up r: why??? g: lots, lots of reasons r: what??? g: oh c'mon... you've been wishing for this r: LINK TO GAIL'S BLOG r: ooops mali yata r: LINK TO GAIL'S BLOG g: way to rub it in, man... g: that was our anniv r: yeah! r: that was only two months ago!!! g: that was the last hurrah, the last stretch g: LINK TO GAIL'S BLOG g: wait, kain ako r: where on earth is that? i can't find it on your blog's main page! g: that was on private, ngayon kong lang ni-public r: sige breakfast ka muna. tapos na ako. g: kasi before, ako ang nakikipag-break tapos naaayos. pinipilit naming ayusin together. g: kaya hindi ko pa ni-public yan agad g: pero ngayon, she's moved on g: and i suppose i have to na din g: gf? r: oh no. r: ano nangyari sa inyong dalawa? g: madaming bagay r: in the end, did she break up with you or did you break up with her? g: i did g: pero she was happier about it g: i've broken up with her lots of times g: pero ngayon lang niya tinotoo' g: dati nakikipagbati siya. pero ngayon, naka-move on na siya agad r: why didn't she agree to break up with you then? g: i don't know... baka may love pa kasi r: saan kayo nag-date nung anniversary niyo? g: i think we just stayed home g: we've never really celebrated our anniv r: wala bang harana from the dlsu glee club? g: atsaka parang the night after the anniv yung alis namin pa-sagada. g: come to think of it, jinx pa pala yung pag-celebrate namin g: the harana was for her birthday r: oh sorry, my memory's failing me g: so anyway, when we were supposed to meet you for lunch last saturday, hindi na kami nun r: why did you want to bring lei with you? g: we are trying to be friends. at least i am. she's doing pretty damn good about it. g: i wanted to bring her because i thought the two of you seeing each other was more appropriate r: more appropriate? g: kasi kayo ang magkaibigan r: i thought you wanted to bring her along because you two were still together g: hay raichu g: i do not like being on this side of the fence r: what side and what fence? you sound as if you're wishing that you were somewhere else. g: i really don't know where to go g: i haven't moved out and i think that makes it harder for me - still living with her in the same house g: i don't want to go back to my parents' house r: what??? g: i can't afford to more right now, i don't have the money for the deposits and advances g: what what??? g: that we still live together? g: yep, that's fucked up 'no? r: yes!!! g: we still CENSORED g: it's fucked up, i tell you g: we still CENSORED because CENSORED r: and i thought that, when you said that you were gonna take her with you this saturday even though you two had already broken up, you were gonna pick her up from her place or vice versa first r: you've given me too many "what???"s for one day g: it's fucked up g: i'm so fucked up g: and do you know what's the most fucked up thing? g: she is sooooo CENSORED r: what??? g: which makes me more fucked up g: and i get to CENSORED every night g: she's doing great g: she's going out every night g: comes home late g: and talks to me as if everything's normal g: which is probably the case for her r: where does rona live? g: makati r: nyek too far g: i've thought about moving in with her, it's too far r: it breaks my heart to see you so unhappy g: kagabi i asked her if there's already a zero chance of us getting back together g: sabi niya hindi niya alam g: sabi ko i'm not comfortable with our setup... na CENSORED g: sabi niya so uuwi ka? g: wow. g: i've never bared my heart that much and it was g: inapak-apakan g: tapos madami pa akong gustong sabihin pero sabi niya antok na siya, may interview pa siya bukas. angaling ko daw tumayming g: for years she has asked me, begged me to tell her what's on my mind g: and everytime i do, mali ang timing g: at ngayon nag-text siya... bakit daw hindi ko binaon yung pasalubong niya sa akin. g: what the hell r: i want to ask her if she knows what she's doing to you. g: she knows, pare r: but her life is not supposed to be my business anymore. r: i don't understand why she is doing this to you. g: i don't think na sinasadya naman niya r: i've been staring at my y!m window for how many minutes and i still don't know what to type except for this g: oh and i sneaked to check her text messages kagabi g: she said the other night, si girlie ang kasama niya g: pero she was out with this guy g: and she has no reason to lie.. g: or maybe she already has r: what??? g: sabi dun sa message ni girlie, something about naflatan siya tapos after hatid yung officemate saka sunduin si lei and yung guy. g: and when i asked her kung saan sila nagpunta ni ghe, ang sinabi niya yung mga sinabi ni ghe sa text. yung mga kinwento ni ghe sa text. r: gumuguho na po ang mundo ko g: i'm sorry to be putting all these on you r: gumuguho rin naman ang mundo mo eh r: tapos? g: she never mentioned the guy's name g: and the way she was telling how her night with "ghe" went, it was like she was telling the truth g: later i asked her kung may iba na siya g: sabi niya wala g: si ghe lang daw ang lagi niyang kasama r: find the guy and ask rona to kick him in the nuts g: hahahaha r: so many what???s and holy shit it's only wednesday r: i want to talk with you about lei in person. g: and the more i thought about it, everything changed when she met this boy g: they were high school batchmates g: the friendship was rekindled around last year g: and they've been texting a lot g: i just never saw it before because, hellooooo, he's a guy g: tapos that afternoon pa, i asked her kung sa bahay siya mag-dinner g: hindi daw, magpapaayos daw sila ng sasakyan ni bestfriend g: doon sa text ni bestfriend, kinukwento niya kung saan nagpaayos ng sasakyan, na naghatid ng officemate, saka pa lang susunduin si lei at yung guy. g: she fucking lied through her fucking teeth g: hindi niya kailangang magsinu ngaling dahil alam ko namang kaibigan niya yun g: pero malamang kinailangan niyang magsinungaling kasi hindi na sila magkaibigan lang g: ginagago na niya ako no? g: i need to think na ginagago na niya ako g: i need to be angry r: calm down. i'm going to go out for a cigarette. you should as well. r: i wonder if it's georgie r: the guy, i mean r: ever read that short story of hers? r: she wrote about a guy named russell who she thought was named "georgie" r: i thought she wrote about her personal experiences way back when but i've never asked her about that g: nope, i've never read that g: although i don't think it's the same guy r: what do your friends say? g: wala masyado g: that i need to get out of that house r: as soon as you find a new place, mag-inuman kayo tapos invite mo ako g: i don't know when will that be r: sweldo bukas. inuman na ito. g: hahahaha g: kahapon pa sweldo namin, ubos na r: fifteen bukas ah. ang aga ng sweldo niyo. g: yep, 13 sa amin r: ambilis naman naubos. 2 days instead of 2 weeks. g: daming bills, nachop-chop na r: chop-chop? g: nahati-hati na r: paano nga pala joint assets niyo? g: yun pa isa g: ewan... g: pero mga gamit lang naman yan r: inuman tayo sa friday g: sige, sige... saan? r: you have 3 choices: r: a) sa bahay ni rona b) sa bahay ng nanay ko c) sa chipipay na gay bar g: i go for... gay bar! hahaha g: saan meron? college pa ako last nagpunta sa ganun r: wala akong alam na gay bar. joke lang yun. r: pero kung gusto mo at mura lang eh sige g: hahahaha g: gay bars are expensive g: may entrance fee pa r: d) get lei out of the house tapos inuman tayo sa inyo g: well it is possible that she won't be home g: pero baka mag-abot kayo g: i'm going out for lunch r: ok g: i'm so confused g: tumawag pa siya ngayon telling me the results of her interview g: she's talking as if she didn't shut me out last night r: i don't know why she would be like that. it doesn't sound like anyone i knew. g: at least be sensitive diba g: i've told her countless times how uncomfortable i am in our situation r: maybe she's just trying to pretend that life goes on r: yosi break. i'm gonna go downstairs for a smoke. g: yupyup g: ang iisipin ko na lang ngayon ay kung dadalhin ko pa ba yung mga gamit ko o hindi na r: dalhin mo na. they'll help you r: get started on the new life, until r: they fall into disrepair or you run out of space g: hati kami dun sa pc and tv... siguro pag-tig-isahan na lang namin g: books and dvds to sort r: division of property is always messy g: mga plato, baso r: all that community property can make you feel divorced g: i don't have kitchen stuff kasi kumpleto na siya nun. i never bought any r: do you have your own mug? g: i have around 3. we always got them in pairs g: i don't have kutsara at tinidor! r: lots of stuff to haul. g: hahahaha r: time to buy utensils, etc g: paano ko kaya dadalhin yung mga gamit r: find a friend who owns a car with a big trunk g: may orocan drawer pa kasi... r: find a friend who owns a minivan g: siguro a crv will do g: this is good, right? r: what is good? crv? g: no turning back g: the no turning back r: malay mo. things can change. g: okay na din ito g: maybe this is what we need r: maybe you two just need some space so that you can get back together. or become friends again. g: it's a good move. g: i'll be able to find myself ulit. r: instead of doing nothing and always wondering g: yup g: teka, yosi break muna ako g: anlayo ng yosian g: *hingal* r: uwi na ako. g: ok g: ingat g: salamat sa pakikinig r: take it one day at a time, take care, take it easy g: salamat
gail: Getting caught up in the past is not something you should be doing right now -- there are too many important opportunities in front of you, and you can't afford to be distracted by things that have already happened and don't really matter anymore. Instead, you need to be living in the present and realizing what is possible in your life. So put away your old photo albums, pack up your journals and start making plans for your future than have nothing to do with your past. g: horoscope ko g: hehehehe raichu: yeah right. how apt. g: yup g: matagal na siyang wala dito g: more than 2 years r: i didn't know that. g: since she left la salle, everything went downhill for her, careerwise g: hindi na siya napermanent r: why did she leave la salle in the first place? g: parang nakaka-4 na lipat na siya g: office politics g: she wrote 3 workbooks, though g: kung hindi siya napulitika, everything would have been better r: i'm curious but i won't pry r: i'm sure your friends had their reasons g: the thing is, while it is true that she, at times, may have depended on me financially, i depended on her emotionally and mentally. g: if anything, mas malaki ang nawala sa kanya kaysa akin g: and sa tuwing may work naman siya, sobrang spoiled ako sa kanya r: i'm sure your friends either had their reasons or just misunderstood you two g: it's just sad that my friends see us that way. lei has been my pillar. sa dami ng rough roads na pinagdaanan namin, laging siya ang nagdala sa akin. r: you answered your friends with that exact line? g: "to be fair with lei, during the times na wala siyang work my life was so easy. everything was prepared for me - mula sa paggising ko sa umaga hanggang sa paghagod nya ng likod ko para makatulog. ginawa niya lahat para matapatan yung ginagawa ko to the point na minsan feeling niya katulong na siya, which i really hated when she felt that way. there are other huge, huge things that happened in our life which resulted to the big damage in her confidence. kahit gaanong kadaming pera ang ipinasok ko sa bahay namin, siya ang nagdala sa akin. madaming nangyari sa amin, sobrang rough ng pinagdaanan namin and through all those, i could have easily broken down pero she helped me stand up. sa lahat ng immaturity ko, inunawa ni r: woah g: yan ang sinabi ko... thru text ha. 6 cuts g: and i don't use textspeak r: of course, you do know that y!m messages can only accommodate the length of four text messages or so... g: huh? r: inunawa ni... g: sa lahat ng immaturity ko, inunawa niya ako. nung mga panahong may work siya, binigay niya ang lahat sa akin. ayoko lang na isipin nyo na masama siyang tao, na selfish siya, kasi mahal na mahal ko talaga siya." g: i didn't know na may limit din pala ym message r: he he r: at least ngayon alam na ng mga friends mo r: now that you've explained it to them g: totoo naman diba? g: na baka mas madami pang ibinigay si lei sa akin r: i can't answer that question, gail. for obvious reasons. g: yeah... r: ultimately, gail, nosi balasi. g: feeling ko kasi dahil ganun ang tingin nila kay lei, parang balewala na yung last 4 years g: parang hindi ba nila naiisip na mag-stay ba ako sa relationship na ginagamit lang ako g: and of all things, pera pa. g: i hate talking about and dealing with money matters. r: it's perfectly normal for friends to think that way after break-ups r: if it's not money then they'd find something else g: all this time hindi nila naisip na mahal lang talaga namin ang isa't-isa at hindi dahil kailangan lang namin ang isa't-isa. g: nakakafrustrate lang g: pero tama ka, nosi balasi r: gail, nosi balasi. ganyan talaga. you don't have to answer to me, them, or anyone else. g: ginawa na naman kitang shock absorber. g: patawad... :d r: it's normal. after all, i knew both of you. g: sana minsan makapag-inuman tayong tatlo r: no g: bakit? r: di ko kaya g: di mo kaya na? r: uminom g: huh? g: uminom na? r: the fax and tel nos are up r: crap nevermind r: i meant di ko na kaya uminom ng ganun karami g: kami din naman g: sobrang tagal na naming hindi umiinom ng katulad ng dati r: ok lang r: someday i'll drink again with lei, but not with you r: pareho na tayong may emotional attachment for the same person r: we have that in common, di ba?
gail: magandang umaga raichu: have you moved out already, or are you still sharing the apartment with your gf? g: after all that's said and done, g: we're back together r: there you go. r: you just needed some time apart to get some breathing room. g: yep r: sigh r: :)) g: o why? r: i was looking forward to seeing you again and talking about lei with you g: then let's r: oh i don't think that's possible :D g: but why not? g: were you planning to vent? g: and possibly trash her? g: hahahaha r: no i just wanted to know how lei was :) g: how lei was in what aspect(s)? r: how she's been doing. what her life's like without me. g: i really wouldn't know about the second part r: i won't trash her, especially since you two just broke up. g: i was just kidding r: since there's no reason for us to drink anymore, let's do lunch instead g: sure thing g: when? r: sweldo sa friday r: pero laundry day sa saturday g: yup g: sunday perhaps? r: gak r: rest day ko sana g: i can't remember if we have sunday plans g: oh ok r: tapos may plans pa pala kayo sa sunday g: how about the week na june 9 is a holiday g: i can't remember if we have sunday plans r: i don't know if i'll have plans on the second week of june r: saturday dinner sa mall? g: i think we can do that g: saan? g: wait, ako lang o kaming dalawa r: i know you'd rather be with her but r: i really want to just have dinner with you alone g: i still don't think that i can see you by myself r: he he you can bring rona. why? g: ay, i really don't feel like seeing those people either r: because they trashed lei when you two broke up? g: no, not that g: half of my depression when lei and i broke up came from them g: i think they should have fetched me or something r: that's... weird. how? g: but none of them even planned a dinner to cheer me up g: they should have kidnapped me and took me to mindoro or something g: because that's what we do g: apparently, we don't r: really? if rona just broke up with whoever, would you r: really kidnap her and take her to mindoro to cheer her up? g: yes g: wait, gotta have breakfast r: or would you be swamped with work, laundry, busy with your own lovelife g: no g: we have done that g: many times r: enjoy your ~o) g: i was actually in the middle of doing laundry when she called, and i left it. r: =)) nice to know you two have sorted things out

By the way, in case you didn't get the "smelly boy" reference:

Episode III: Backstroke of the West (http://winterson.com/2005/06/episode-iii-backstroke-of-west.html)

The greatest English translation of a Star Wars movie. Ever.

Yeah, I guess I can live with that.

Sun, Jan. 18th, 2009, 03:06 pm
Hate File #83


Sadako (from the movie Ringu) has nothing on Gail Bitch100% Bitch Free

I had a wonderful time spending my money yesterday, 17 January 2009. Yes, yes, I'm now how many thousand bucks poorer, but, hey, it was worth it!

Treated Clair out to Lunch

Met with Clair, my best friend from Quezon City, at the Gateway Mall in Cubao. For lunch, we had my salad (ha ha ha) at Pancake House. It was really fun because I also got to meet with Dang, Clair's sister and fellow artist, whom I haven't seen in over half a decade!

The two sisters were en route to the Cubao expo, and they talked about Japanese pop culture over lunch. I started spacing out somewhere between the various discussions of Japanese celebrities; I don't know whether they were talking about television stars, or bands, but it was too much geekness for me to handle. I actually wanted to talk with Clair about the way Gail has been bugging me, but there's always another time, hopefully when she treats me out. (^_^)

I heard the distressing news that Clair's beloved black and white pet dog, Panda, the only one who greeted me at Clair's empty house when I tossed Clair's copy of my thesis into the garage, is already suffering the pains of old age. I have this funny feeling that Panda will pass away soon because I got to see one of his recent pictures, in which I noticed how much Panda had all the grey hairs, countenance, and posture of an old geezer. I really want to see Panda again before that happens, to thank him for taking care of my thesis, and for all the love he had shown to my best friend all these years.

Bought Mang Mel's CD

Mang Mel's CD, which I bought yesterday at Pook Ricarte for 350 bucks

I went straight to UP Diliman, to purchase a CD from Mang Mel, the retired janitor. For two decades, Mang Mel not only scrubbed the university floors, but also changed the lives of several students for the better. Student loans in the university need the signature of a university employee for approval; Mang Mel was only a janitor, but he was a true, blue university employee, and such were opportunities for him to extend his kindness to the poor kids. By signing his name as a guarantor for students who were desperate to get student loans, he enabled these students to continue with their studies, even though Mang Mel himself was very poor and couldn't really cover the loans at all.

Unfortunately, some of the students had forgotten to pay back their loans. As a result, their debts were immediately taken from Mang Mel's retirement pay, leaving him with substantially less when he finally left the university (the full story can be found at MikersInDaHawz). To supplement his meager resources, Mang Mel has taken to selling CDs. Thanks to one of the students Mang Mel had helped in the past, his efforts were recognized and a call was sent out to all students who would like to help the janitor who did so much good.

I visited Mang Mel's house yesterday and bought a CD as a show of support for this kickass old dude. Students everywhere who had trouble convincing their professors to trust them when looking for student loan guarantors will recognize immediately how kickass this guy is (moi included). It's just sad that he had to suffer the loss of his retirement pay as a direct result of his kindness and trust; I still don't understand how there could be any justice in this world when such sh*t happens to good people. I had to remind myself that all the justice and righteousness in this world is up to us to provide, and I want to think that, as a working professional, it seems like high time for moi to reward the heroism of such people, even with the simplest of gestures, such as buying Mang Mel's CD.

Bought university centennial shirts for Maien and Ruth

That morning, Ruth and Maien asked me for a favor while we were playing badminton. They knew that I was going to Diliman later that day, and they wanted me to buy them university centennial shirts. I wasn't really planning to buy the shirts that day, but I had enough time for a sidetrip anyway, so I agreed.

After my visit to Mang Mel's house, I went straight to the Student Cooperative market, that wonderful place where a Diliman student can purchase just about anything he or she needs. I found the shirts at the Maroons (probably the equivalent of UPLB's Shapers store). Not knowing Maien's and Ruth's sizes, I called them up at their house from Diliman via mobile phone and asked them to measure their regular shirts for comparison.

Since I didn't have any rulers with me, I settled for a nigh universal standard of measurement, the length of a Philippine peso bill. I told Maien the number and fraction of peso-bill-lengths for the hems of each size, and she compared the numbers to the measurements she made from her end. I ended up buying three centennial celebration shirts, one for each us, all bearing the text "Uno ka? 100 ako!" (You have a flat "one" grade? I have one hundred!).

Ignored Gail

Gail, the lesbian my crush on whom was the primary inspiration for this blog, has been bugging me via SMS messages ever since we swapped numbers again. Last year, she finally broke up with Lei (at long last!), and I thought it would be a good time to resume my friendship with her. My mistake: she's now angrier than ever, and I was reminded of exactly why I started this blog in the first place.

Seriously, these past years, I've finally met sweet, sexy, and smart women who actually brought out the best in me. Chatting with Gail recently, on the other hand, just brings out the worst aspects of my personality, and it's probably as much her fault as it is mine. She doesn't care about how I feel, she doesn't care about how I think, she just doesn't care, period.

Last week, she texted me whether I'd like to meet with her in Robinson's Galleria at 5pm on 17 January 2008. The timing was perfect, since I would be coming from Diliman anyway, and it would've been a great chance for us to catch up on each other's lives. The old Raichu would've immediately said yes, and then wait there for hours like Gail's loyal lap dog.

Of course, if I had accepted her invitation, she'd probably just bitch during the entire conversation, while not even showing the slightest bit of interest in me. I've had enough of her, I don't need her in my life, and I no longer have any strength to care about her, so there was absolutely no reason for me to go through hell all over again by seeing her. I went home, tired and feeling accomplished, and I just left her to have fun at Robinson's Galleria by herself, without moi.

No more f*cking around with the soul-sucking scum of the universe? Check. Feels quite good. (^_^)

Rocked to the band "Arctic Monkeys"

I can't get their song out of my head! I need psychiatric help now! Their music accompanied me all night while I worked on the following kickass illustration (inspired by Fara, my officemate).

Yeah, you have to be a software developer to even understand what the hell that drawing means.

Sat, Jan. 10th, 2009, 08:45 am
Hate File #82

Resolutions 2009

How did I do last year?

#1 No more fucking around with the soul-sucking scum of the universe

Status: Pass

This is actually quite cool. I've gotten more friends, way more than I expected. I have friends from work, friends from college, friends from my other activities like Nanowrimo... It's insane! In a good way!

And I know for sure that they won't strangle me while I'm drunk and asleep. Hah!

#2 No more fucking around with the soul-sucking scum of the universe

Status: Fail

Ugh. I managed to do this for nine months. And then she chatted me up via Yahoo Messenger. I couldn't help it.

But, no more! No more, no more, no more! She can take care of her own insecurities, hah! She's a user and an abuser and she can burn in hell for all I care.

#3 No more fucking around with the soul-sucking scum of the universe


I met Vanessa Roxas Tan, a.k.a. Ice, last year at Nanowrimo 2007.

Chinita? Peyups Fine Arts student? Smart, passionate, idealistic, and with an age difference of about ten years from mine? Hmm... now wasn't that f*cking enlightening? (cough cough, choking on my M&M's, ha ha)

Status: Fail

I keep breaking my vow to stay away from those evil chinita artist types. Well, this time I've learned that they just don't respect me, period. I keep getting hurt, but I never learn.

This time, no more of that sh*t! There are plenty of sweet, sexy, and smart women out there who actually respect my time and beliefs. There are plenty of women out there whom I could respect for being good and kind people, even though they don't actually fit into my "ideal" type, like Tina (from Nanowrimo), for instance.

(Of course, we all know that I just can't help myself, because I'm an idiot.)

#4 Stop flirting around

Status: Epic Fail

I don't think so, HA HA HA.

Well, I think I have to tone down on the flirting bit. As long as I don't cross the line, I think I'm good. The boundaries are simple: I may have a huge crush on her, but I don't love her, so there's no reason for me to grant her any other special privileges from what my other friends have.

#5 Stop lazing around

Status: Pass

One of the best parts of my year: I finally got to see what it was like on the other side of the fence, from apprentice to master. I'm still a slow worker, but I put in longer hours (thanks to the inspiration from my QA) to make up, and my body deteriorated as a result. I also gained a modicum of respect from my peers at work, although it could be better.

#6 Keep the weight off

Status: Fail

I gained twenty (20) pounds! What the f*ck was that?! I'll chalk it up to my new work habits. Hey, I'm a programmer! I sit in front of a computer all day! Where the hell am I going to find the time to do jogging and sit-ups when there's no gym in the office?

#7 Stop lounging around

Status: Pass

I stopped many of my old and unproductive habits this year, and started to change my life little by little.

I don't procrastinate that much anymore. Hey, I can't afford it; there are people out there who are depending on me to do a good job, like Karen (^_^), and I can't let them down.

I don't read blogs that much anymore. I go over to Google Reader, see my backlog of five thousand (5000) unread blog entries, and then click on the button "Mark all as read". Hah!

I don't play computer games that much anymore. I don't watch television that much anymore. Hell, I don't even update this blog that much anymore.

And I've started a lot of things.

I've learned a lot from my mentors here at work. I've finally started fixing my relationship. I don't maintain my Mozilla Sunbird calendar anymore, but I use a regular day planner, the non-electronic paper one. Old technology works best.

I write shopping lists now. I've rediscovered the joys of shopping. I'm so much more efficient when I step out and spend the money I earn from work.

I finally got to visit the Pahiyas festival in Lumban. I finally got to finish a Nanowrimo novel. I finally got to do so many other things, things that I thought would be so difficult to do, but turned out to be so rewarding in the end.

#8 Say goodbye to your social life

Status: Pass and Fail

I've become so detached from the rest of my co-workers, especially with the departure of Aries and Karen. That was my new year's resolution, and it was a bad one. There are exceptions (cough cough) but, overall, I've turned into an outcast.

On the other hand, my social life outside work has flourished. I have to maintain a balance between the two without compromising my principles or draining my wallet.

And I have to start talking with Ramirez again. We haven't really talked much since we've gone on to different projects. I must make time for our friendship before we drift apart.

#9 Keep The Hate Alive

Status: FTW!

I'm so proud of myself. (^_^)

Mad Props!

This year is dedicated to a number of people. I've realized that a person can do so much more when good people surround him or her, friends who are always there to provide moral support when needed. That's why I have to take care of the good people who have influenced my life.

The Highway Star

Thanks so much to Aries Andrada, the bastard who kept annoying the hell out of me at work. His crazy antics went too far sometimes, but he kept me laughing and on my toes. Good luck with your ROR project in New Zealand, Aries!

Whenever I feel like NOT working...

I file a SL

I'll pass on your sage advice to my kids, Aries.

Thanks so much to Karen Conanan, the quality assurance engineer who inspires me to do the right thing even though fixing bugs is hard to do. Good luck with your job as a business analyst in Singapore, Karen!

Wow! Would be delighted to read your novel. Just be prepared for my comments... anyway, take care. Learn alot and record your accomplishments somewhere. Hehe :-D

I promise to heed your advice and do just that, Karen.

The Angel on My Shoulder

Even More Mad Props!

My Best Friend

Clair, the only other woman in my life (besides my girl and my future daughter/s) whose face I'd hold in my hands with total affection during a hug

Clair and moi at The Coffee Bean and Tea Leaf in Greenbelt 3

Clair has been my rock, my spiritual adviser, and my best friend for over a decade now. We haven't seen each other in three years, and I was afraid that we were drifting apart. Almost the entire length of Metro Manila separates us, and our interests have diverged so much as we grew up.

However, when we met again over the Christmas break, I couldn't believe how easy it was to talk with her, and share my life with her. I realized that two hearts that really cared for each other could overcome all odds and never become total strangers. I hugged her so tightly right before I left for the MRT Ayala Station, and it felt like I've never stopped hugging her, caring for her, and being her friend all this time.

My Writer Friend

Mayen (right) with her friend, roommate, and co-worker Ruth at the badminton court

Mayen and moi playing badminton at Sta. Rosa, Laguna

I've taken my college classmate and writer friend Mayen on so many adventures, such as at my highschool or at the old infopiracy haven formerly known as Greenhills, so that I can help expand the horizons of my esteemed peer in the field of creative writing. In return, she helped me out during this year's Nanowrimo. During our discussions, she helped me outline my plot, breathe life into my characters, and break out of writer's block with some idea or another. I could never have finished this year's Nanowrimo (for the first time in half a decade!) without her.

Recently, she has invited me over during Saturdays to play badminton with her and her friend Ruth. What can I say? It's so much fun! They've got loads of experience on me, but I think I'm catching up pretty fast. It's a great way for me to lose the twenty pounds I've gained the past year, and the three of us get to enjoy breakfast together afterwards.

In addition to the joys of playing badminton, Mayen was the one who introduced me to mug design, thanks to her gift certificate from the print company TouchArt. We go out to watch movies sometimes, and I always annoy her after the movie with my post-viewing commentary; she thinks I over-analyze the movie when I could just accept the ride and enjoy it. Lately, I've been trying to get Mayen to help me flirt with Ruth, but she says I have to prove my worth first, for obvious reasons. Mayen has already introduced me to Ruth as our college batch's quirky Cassanova, and Ruth already knows I have a total crush on her.

My Little Sister

Shey sticking a knife through the back of my head while I edit her picture on my computer

Shey and her Christmas gift for moi when I treated her out at Sbarro

Shey has taken the place of the little sis in my life (I have no biological sisters) since we met in college. I've been treating her out every so often since our college days, and we've grown rather close.

Now that we're both working professionals, she still looks up to me, and I try my best to take care of her. When she asks for it, I give her calm and level-headed advice for her love troubles (advice that I won't follow for myself, HA!), and help her out with whatever crazy fad she gets into.

I really appreciate it when she turns the tables and treats me out for dinner with her own salary; the fact that my little sister's doing well for herself, thanks to her resourcefulness and ability, actually makes me proud. I've promised to help her resolve this current love issue she has with this guy, over drinks at a bar. What can I say? We're from Los Baños, and everybody knows that LB college students, in general, love to go out drinking; alcohol keeps our bodies warm, especially during the cold nights in the forested area near Mt. Makiling.

What have I learned this year?

#1 It's okay to fall in love with someone else other than your girlfriend

As we all know, there is a distinction between loving and just being in love. I fell in love with Karen's tenacity, her moral uprightness, her fastidiousness... but I didn't exactly love her. Karen had become a symbol of everything that was good and honest and just in the software development world, but I didn't really love her as a person.

As written in the novel Catcher in the Rye (all praise the greatest novel ever written!), a quote from the character Mr. Antolini to the protagonist Holden, which, in turn, was a quote from the psychoanalyst Wilhelm Stekel:

The mark of the immature man is that he wants to die nobly for a cause, while the mark of the mature man is that he wants to live humbly for one.

With regards to Karen, I probably won't ever give her a bouquet of roses, keep her entertained when she's bored, or stand by her as her ever-reliable friend in times of need. But I'll continue to live up to the morals that she has inspired in me, especially when it comes to being a good software developer. By writing reliable and less buggy code, I'll try to make this world a better and safer place, thanks to her.

How is this any different from my past crushes? I failed to redirect the passions I harbored for them into more constructive outlets because of a very simple reason: I wasn't really in love with anything about them. Sure, I was totally in lust because of their physical appearance, their radical ideas, and their quirky attitudes, but they never really inspired me to become a "good" person. They were just, for lack of a better word, cool, but their appeal lies more in the intellectual and physical realm rather than the moral and spiritual.

I like to think that my feelings for Karen transcend mere "coolness" and focus more on what I want to become as a person. Being a champion of good and a fixer of bugs isn't exactly what most people would consider "cool", but that's what Karen is to me, and that's how I want to live my life from now on.

#2 My DNA goes after the wrong women

Back then, I used to think that my DNA knew best when it came to selecting the women on whom I get crushes. After all, my DNA knows the exact immunities with which I was born, and it guides my senses in choosing a partner that has the most complementary set of immunities. Having such a partner means that our offspring can have its pick from a wide set of immunities, inherit genetic strengths from either me or my partner upon conception, and thereafter enjoy comprehensive protection against all manner of infection thanks to those genes.

So, when I go crazy over those cute chinita women for no apparent reason, it's not really me; it's my genes. Over the years, my genes have exhibited this awful consistency in the physical looks of the women for whom I get crushes; from Lei, to Gail, to Kat, etc., the list goes on and on...

Well, at each instance, my genes have totally, utterly, absolutely failed me. Therefore, my genes are total crap when it comes to choosing women.

Yes, I know that it's not as simplistic as that; we all know that nurture plays half the role in our social/sexual/emotional/psychological preferences. Still, my genes are a huge part of my nature as a human being capable of infatuation, and their track record has remained absolutely dismal.

Maybe it's because I'm getting old, or my awful history, or both. I don't know the real reason, but, whatever it is, it has made its mark; my crushes for chinita women are on the decline. Neither my QA, my Nanowrimo ML, or my Writer Friend's roommate particularly fit the physical chinita type for which I usually went crazy during my late teens and early twenties.

Who knows? Given my awful genes, this change might work. Or my misfortunes might not have had anything to do with my genes at all (gak, straight right through the old ego there, ha ha).

#3 Organize, organize, organize!

People known as slackers (like moi) usually go for a less complicated life, by cutting down on their responsibilities and trimming off the unnecessary considerations required of adults. Slackers get to live a simple life because they don't go out to parties, they don't participate in novel writing challenges, they don't strive at work to get promoted, and so on. By shunning the seemingly needless complexities that plague almost everyone else, they have a lot of free time to lounge around, go on road trips, smoke weed, and do next to nothing.

Among the many price tags attached to this uncomplicated lifestyle is the lack of achievement. Sure, many slackers would argue that such indicators of progression, even though they are not necessarily evil, are major contributors to stress. Well, I don't know about those guys, but having achieved something makes me feel good about myself, as long as I don't put down others in the process.

Of course, this long and arduous struggle for continuous evolution and improvement will place huge demands on my time, energy, and money. How on earth am I supposed to juggle these demands for being a good employee, boyfriend, father, novelist, artist, and so on, all at the same time, without losing my mind? The answer is simple: I've got to get organized.

Back then, while I was working through my apprenticeship at work, I'd just do whatever was the task at hand, without planning for the future. If I came up with a good idea for creative fiction, I'd write it when I was in the mood; when the inspiration would pass, I'd drop all my efforts and leave my short story unfinished. My friends would go out on adventures without me, because I felt as if I never had any time to prepare, despite the fact that I did almost nothing during my free time. The twenty-four (24) hours in a day never seemed enough. In short, I was a total loser.

Now that I've gotten more organized, I've realized that I get a lot more stuff done even though the number of hours in a day stayed the same. There are people at work who depend on me to finish tasks quickly and efficiently, and I can't afford to let them sit idle because my company demands high thoroughput. By actually scheduling enough hours within the day during the Nanowrimo, I was able to finish my crappy novel. The little free time I have left are actually spent doing things that I actually enjoy, so that time isn't wasted at all.

It's amazing what a planner and a to-do list can do.

One of the best things about this new lifestyle is that I can take a look at my checked off to-do list at the end of the day and say to myself: "Yeah, I did that, and I'm frikkin' proud that I did." Whether it's watching the Pahiyas festival in Lumban, writing a Nanowrimo novel, fixing an urgent and important bug at work, making all the purchases and buying the groceries during a major sale to cut expenses, or even just getting through that pile of dishes on the kitchen sink, that boost of self-confidence after actually finishing something is definitely worth all this so-called "needless" complexity.

My New Year's Resolutions.

#8 No more fucking around with the soul-sucking scum of the universe

There are people out there who just aren't worth my time. Sure, I can just grin and bear it, but my patience has worn thin over the years, and a couple more such people will just give me a cardiac arrest someday. Until they finally own up to their own mistakes, I'm better off without them.

#7 No more fucking around with the soul-sucking scum of the universe

That includes the original big three (Lei, Gail, Kat) and the rest (Citas, Ice, Ada, etc.).

Must stay away from cute chinita women who are more than five years younger than moi. Must learn from my experience with Kat Luzon. Must remember that, even if she's only one day away from her eighteenth (18th) birthday, she's still a minor, f*cking around with her constitutes statutory rape, and the punishment would be death by getting beat up by my fellow inmates in prison.

#6 Tell more stories about my colorful life

My life has been absolutely colorful and noteworthy, and I think other people would find it interesting. It's a great way to both broaden my social circle and increase my chances of connecting with other people. Who knows? Maybe through my stories I'll find someone else who has gone on to the same crazy adventures. I don't know for sure, but there's a good chance there are other people out there who are also crazy over spectacular native festivals, modern art films, and absolutely bitchy lesbians.

#5 Teach and learn techs

The demands of the tech world are constantly changing, and a developer who doesn't keep up will soon find himself or herself out of a job. With that in mind, I plan to (finally!) become a Java expert (via the certification exam), a Ruby maven, and an all-around tech guru.

#4 Learn and finish more things!

Yup, I'm nearing the big three-oh, so I better go out and explore the world as much as I can before dementia inevitably takes over. This includes learning new foreign languages, visiting more exotic places, and experiencing, to the fullest, the little fun surprises that life keeps tucked away around the corner.

#3 Keep off the weight

Gotta get back to my fighting weight of 140 lbs! This means more exercise, a stricter diet, and plenty of rest or sleep. No more staying up late at night (unless I absolutely have to).

#2 This is the year that I'll finally quit smoking

Ha ha, yeah, we've heard that before. From very-important-day-of-the-year-number-one to very-important-day-of-the-year-number-two, I'll try my best to stick with my cigarette-consumption-cutting program.

And, last, but not the least:

#1 Keep The Hate Alive

Happy New Year, you sons of bitches.

I'm the janitor of this stinking place
and I want to smash your f*cking face
cos if you're the guy who pumps his balls
and writes all over these sticky walls

Before the start of the current millennium, this was written behind the door of a men's bathroom somewhere inside my old highschool . Classic.

Sun, Dec. 28th, 2008, 10:54 pm
Hate File #81

Nanowrimo 2008
The Recap Episode

In case you missed it...

  • Part One: Beginnings - What exactly is Nanowrimo again?
  • Part Two: My Stuff - My fifty thousand words of crap... in bite-sized pieces... yum...
  • Part Three: Jackasses - Sartre once wrote "Hell is other people."
  • Part Four: For The Win! - Fifty thousand words? Done.
  • Part Five: Endings - What I'll miss about Nanowrimo once it's over.

Loose Ends!

The Emergency Plot Device

If you don't remember, Tina bundled an Emergency Plot Device in our kick-off's loot bag, wrapped up and kept secret inside a paper bag. In case of an emergency, I'm supposed to open it, examine its contents, and, somehow, it should automagically inspire me to add that item into my novel. I never had that extreme a case of writer's block, so I left it unopened all month.

I hurriedly opened the Emergency Plot Device in my Nanowrimo Survival Kit on the morning of the deadline. It contained something circular and small, quite light but non-fragile. Got a guess? It was a roll of Scotch tape.

How disenchanted I was. (^_^)

Mad Props!

I just want to thank the following people for lending me their invaluable moral and emotional support during the month of November. As I've realized this year, to win Nanowrimo, the participant has to surround himself or herself with good people. These people are the best people I know, and they actually called me up to give me their reactions, sent me congratulatory or consolatory messages, and punched or slapped me in the face whenever I wrote something stupid.

Many thanks to: The Dragon Lady, my college literature professor, for teaching me why novels exist in the first place; Clair Ching, my best friend, for accepting who I am and for trusting me to accept her as she is; Nikki Ramirez, my programmer friend, for commiserating with me on Karen's departure; Mayen Marquez, my writer friend, for encouraging me via plot analysis sessions over either SMS messages or alcohol whenever I ran into writer's block; Tina Matanguihan, the Philippines' municipal liaison, for still caring after us Nanowrimo participants even though the fun, magic, and novelty of it all have worn off for her; Karen Conanan, my QA, for inspiring me to do what is right even though the right thing is always more difficult to do; and Boris, my pet elephant, for scrubbing my computer monitor clean with his face whenever the glass gets too dirty.

What's next?

Now that I have my novel, what the hell am I supposed to do with it? Nanowrimo suggests that I take the time to revise it, polish the rough spots, and then, maybe, publish it. I don't know about that; this piece of literary crap was just written to help me get emotional catharsis, and I have no intention of sharing the polished version with anyone else other than the two women who are its intended audience.

However, if there's any act of righteousness that Nanowrimo has inspired me to do this year, it would be the kindness of donating to a worthy charity. By sending a donation to Nanowrimo, I can help their backing non-profit organization, the Office of Letters and Light, keep the Nanowrimo servers running for the year until the start of the next one in November 2009. I've been really evil, having participated for half a decade without sending an actual donation, but I can afford it now thanks to my relatively stable income.

You know, I don't usually give to charities, because they're usually nothing more than just beggars in suits, but people who know me really, really, really well can guess the real reason why I do any honorable or noble act. Of course, it's always because of a woman; this time around, it's Tina herself, that adorable cuteness who I can only dream of dating.

Hey, wait a minute! I was just kidding! Sheeesh!

Well, that's part of the reason anyway; Tina inspires me, what can I say? Seriously, though, for the sake of righteousness, I'm going to donate this year. The guys and girls behind Nanowrimo have given the world so much, by inspiring writers and keeping their hopes alive year after year, and it's time for me to give something back.

I can't believe it. I'm actually planning to donate to a charity using the money I earn as a working professional. You know what that means, don't you? It means I'm getting old.

Mad Update!
(30 Decembre 2008)

With my brother's help, I was finally able to donate to The Office of Letters and Light! Thanks so much to my brother, Carlo Natividad, for giving the donation on my behalf; I'd have given it myself, if only I have a Paypal account like he does. I've redeemed myself, and I'm so happy! It feels so great to have helped these guys; I only wish that I could have given more. Of course, there's always next year; I plan to save up my earnings so I can give a bigger contribution! Hey, all of you "one day I'll write a novel" writers, I want to see you with me at Nanowrimo 2009!

Sun, Dec. 28th, 2008, 10:53 pm
Hate File #80

Nanowrimo 2008
Part Five: Endings

How This Year's Story Came To A Close, a.k.a. The Nanowrimo TGIO (Thank God It's Over) Party

I didn't go to last year's TGIO party, because I was busy looking for a job. Now that I have a job, I was really looking forward to finally seeing for myself what the TGIO party was like. I half-expected it to be full of tired-looking writers, all of them as sick and tired of their novels, as I was.

Wine and cheese toast was served at the registration table. I didn't eat any.

OMG! Who the hell is that young cuteness browsing the anime section?

Because of the sheer number of writer idiots (including moi) that fit inside such a small space, Fully Booked has set a new record for the highest recorded jackass density in the universe.

My first Nanowrimo TGIO! And I won an award!

Those who stayed behind (including moi and Tina) had dinner at Pancake House.

Tala and I had cigarettes. I thought the conversation would never end!

This year's TGIO party was a fully organized evening event at Fully Booked, the posh bookstore at Bonifacio High Street in The Fort area. I actually work in The Fort, with the Market Market shopping complex only a quick fifteen-minute walk away, so I just dropped by after work with my laptop. There were no tired-looking writers there; all of the fresh faces from the kick-off meet-up were more interested in chilling out and talking about their interests than in anything related to Nanowrimo.

To my delight, I got to see this uber-cute Pinoywrimo chick browsing the bookshelves. She looked rather young, and she was a total fashionista, which hinted at her high socio-economic status. Still, the sight of her made my blood boil (rawr!), and, before I knew it, I was falling for the whole chinita cuteness trap again. I need her phone number, dammit! Too bad I was too chicken to actually go up to her.

We partook of the available wine and snacks before we were ushered into a small screening theater, where the awarding ceremonies were held. Palanca-award-winning writer Njel de Mesa gave the welcoming remarks; he tossed off a casual comment about how we should pronounce his name right because he was a judge at the Palanca awards. He didn't have any writing background, but he won the Palanca on his first try. I didn't care too much for him; his words gave me the impression that he was an arrogant prick harboring literary delusions, just like some of my professors back in college.

Next came the Word Warriors awards, for the highest accumulated word count during the output contests Tina gave over Yahoo Messenger. To my amazement, the first name called was that of the Nanowrimo handle Dia Aren Marie, for her total of 11,540 words. I looked up to see that awesome cuteness stand up and take the award, the same girl I had lusted after only a few minutes ago at the bookshelves. Her name turned out to be Melissa, and she was eighteen years old.

Good lord! She's ten years younger than I am, and she had already finished a Nanowrimo novel! And here I am, fantasizing about women who are a decade younger than I am. I'm turning into a DOM, or Dirty Old Man.

Hey, I can't help it if these young women interest me more than women my age! I don't know any woman my age who has actually won a Nanowrimo (and looked absolutely cute while doing so, ha ha ha!). Seriously, most of the women in my generation suck so much that I actually prefer women at least half a decade older or younger to them. I like the fact that older women no longer give a damn but can appreciate life at a deeper level, having lived through it before. I like the fact that younger women like the same things I do, because the secret to staying young is keeping one's heart young. Some of the women my age are total jerks, sensitive in all the wrong places (both physically and emotionally) but too jaded to take another look.

The actual ceremonies were a snoozefest. I just wanted to curl up and go to sleep.

I already thought Tala was a bit crazy when we talked during the Nanowrimo Kick-off.

I hope to see Addy at next year's Nanowrimo!

Tina got me a copy of Big Bang Theory. Why the hell do I find her cute all of a sudden?

My Never Say Die award for my first time win after all these years. Perseverance? Nope, just plain old stubbornness.

Boris wore my Nanowrimo cap, took a look at my award, and then told me that I'm a total jackass for having won such a thing.

There were other awards, but I had already considered sneaking away for a cigarette because I was bored out of my wits. As luck would have it, the Pinoywrimo Tala (who went under the Nanowrimo nickname PetalGlassJade) joined me outside for a cigarette. Tala is a few years older than me, a UP Fine Arts student who used to work as a freelance graphic designer before joining a non-profit organization. Unlike the rest, she was a Nanowrimo newbie, and I had fun as a Nanowrimo veteran in showing her the ropes.

From our cigarette conversation together, I gathered that she was kind at heart, leaning more towards ignorance than wickedness, which I totally dig. On the other hand, man, that woman could talk! She could probably blab for hours about her post-apocalyptic novel, and how she totally hates her job. Man, I thought, this girl has so many issues, but, at least, she's not one of those pretentious jackasses. I have this funny feeling that she's latching on to me as if I were her boy toy, which I don't usually mind, but recent experience (cough cough) has taught me to stay away from crazy, emotionally starved women.

Tala and I made our way back to the screening room, and I heard someone call out my name as I tried to sneak my way back to my seat. As it turned out, I won a Nanowrimo award, and I have received this plaque to prove it! I won the "Never Say Die" award, for my first time win in four years. It was nice to know that these guys actually appreciate the fact that I kept coming back for more Nanowrimo punishment even though I kept failing every year before this. Anne (a.k.a. DeSanggria) also won a "Never Say Die" award for the same thing, four years of sticking with Nanowrimo. In a way, the award made me feel old compared to not just the Nanowrimo newbies, but also the Nanowrimo veterans.

All the Nanowrimo winners for this year received little maroon felt hats, with a feather stuck on top, which we wore during the photo op. I wore my hat with pride; hell, it's my first time Nanowrimo win, and I'll take the humiliation any day. Just winning Nanowrimo was enough; I can't wait to try my luck again next year.

After the event, Tina, Tala, Addy, a few other Wrimos, and I decided to have a very late dinner at Pancake House in Bonifacio High Street. I usually don't eat at High Street because the prices are waaay expensive, but I guess I deserved to treat myself out for having won Nanowrimo this year. I like to believe that everyone had so much fun at the post-TGIO dinner because the hunger had driven our inhibitions away. Tala got to browse on my laptop the last scene I wrote for my novel before the lengthy soliloquy, while Tina and I had a laugh over a newly discovered common interest: the television sitcom Big Bang Theory. What can I say? Tina knows my kind of humor, and she definitely kicks ass compared to some of the other women I know (cough cough).

Before we parted, Tina gave me a copy of her movie computer media files containing all the shows from the first two seasons of Big Bang Theory, which I copied directly from her drive to my laptop. I plan to watch all the episodes during the week-long weekend from 25 December 2008 to 1 January 2009, in a continuous marathon of geekiness. Mad thanks to Tina for the copy; if I ever become a fan of the series, it would be because of her and nobody else.

Sun, Dec. 28th, 2008, 10:52 pm
Hate File #79

Nanowrimo 2008
Part Four: For The Win!

A Three-Hour Date with Tinamats, a.k.a. the Nanowrimo Mid-Month Write-In

Tina, the fearless and tireless leader of the Pinoywrimos, scheduled two Nanowrimo meet-ups for the month. For the first Nanowrimo mid-month write-in, the Pinoywrimos gathered at The Coffee Bean and Tea Leaf (a coffeeshop again!) at Greenbelt in Makati. I brought my laptop and typed away in silence while sipping my coffee; everybody else there did the same thing. Tina gave each of us a challenge in the form of a word count; we were supposed to finish a certain number of words in half an hour, so that we could be productive.

Unfortunately, of all the numbers I randomly picked from the basket, I got a rather high count of a thousand (1000). The thought of churning out two pages worth of drivel within thirty minutes didn't faze me, and I got close, but only made nine hundred. Still, the afternoon was amazing, given that the change of writing environment actually brought out my creativity, and I was able to finish at least two thousand (2000) words between 2 and 5 p.m. As a reward for that rather high word output, Tina gave me a prize: a chocolate bar!

The second write-in's venue was at The Coffee Bean and Tea Leaf (ugh, I'm so sick of those coffeeshops) back at Robinson's Galleria in Ortigas. I stepped inside to find only Tina at the Nanowrimo table. It seemed that everybody else was at the northern write-in somewhere in Trinoma. HA! Everyone else was up north, and I had Tina all to myself for an entire afternoon! I'm such a lucky bastard!

"What? We're the only two people here?! MWA HA HA HA HA!"

While Tina and I typed away in silence, I secretly fantasized about going out with her. Well, she's not chinita, my usual type of girl, but she has a nice laugh, and everyone knows I'm a huge sucker for that. She's also knowledgeable in computers and software, being a web developer, and she's passionate about her work and Christianity. At last, I thought, a girl after my own heart, someone with whom I can totally relate.

It must have looked wierd, if the people at the coffeeshop had taken a good look at us. A girl and a guy out on a date, sipping their coffees but not looking or talking at each other, just typing away on their computers. However, at the end of the writing session, I finally got the chance to put my laptop away and take the time to hang out with Tina for an hour. I didn't want to spoil her concentration during the writing session, but we both needed a break from the writing, and the respite gave us a chance to get to know each other better. She's totally unlike all those other bitches that usually fit my fantasies, like Miss BLEEP (evil word deleted) and Miss COUGH (evil word deleted).

Mental note to self: if we were both single, I'd totally go out with her, har har har.

Fifty Thousand Words, FTW!

On the early morning hours of the 30 November 2008, I looked at the word count at the side of my Microsoft Word program and realized I only had a thousand words left. Rather than advance the plot, I took the opportunity to insert into my novel a personal tirade against the evils of certain programming languages (cough Python cough), as an inner soliloquy by the main character. Hey, the character Rey Avicenna is a software developer too! It seemed only fitting that he should share his opinion about how some programming languages suck more than others.

I wasn't finished with the novel by any means, but I didn't care. The whole Nanowrimo experience had left me totally sick of creative writing, and I just wanted to finish my word count so that I can finally win my first Nanowrimo. At around seven in the morning of the last day, I uploaded the whole file to the Nanowrimo server. My entire month of hard work paid off when I finally unlocked, for the first time, the Nanowrimo winner's goodies.

The whole Nanowrimo experience taught me a couple of things about creative writing.

That's my cute pet elephant, and kickass writing partner, Boris.

  1. If you really care about your novel, you won't enter Nanowrimo in the first place - Nanowrimo encourages bad writing habits for the sake of a deadline. The reason why great novels take so long to write is because every sentence, every expression, every word required the utmost care and scrutiny before the writer adds it to the page. If I were to ever write my real first novel, I wouldn't wring it out in thirty days or less, while juggling work and a household at the same time. I'd take a break from real life and give my real novel the attention and love that it deserves.
  2. I can only write in sprints, not in marathons - One of the reasons why I love writing short stories is because the demand for brevity has trained me to fit all the action within a single scene. Sure, I use flashbacks and descriptive exposition, but the real art of writing short stories is to trim all the unnecessary fat so the essence is all that's left for the reader to appreciate and analyze. My biggest challenge in writing short stories is to capture an otherwise ordinary and uneventful five-minute period and turn it into a life-changing moment for the main character. The problem with Nanowrimo novels is that there's too much space for detail. Going for brevity will probably cause me to produce less than fifty thousand words; hell, the whole plot of Love in the time of Subversion can fit inside a three-part short story by simply isolating the life-changing moments and adding a paragraph or two for background, at around 10,000 words only. To get those extra forty thousand words, I had to pad my story's word count by introducing description and detail, the very fluff that I despise when reading novels. That's one of the reasons why I absolute hate my Nanowrimo novel; it goes against every writing rule I ever had.
  3. Next year, I'll try the Snowflake Method - This year's Nanowrimo was a total disaster, because I was more focused on achieving my word count. Kind of forgivable, since I had yet to taste the thrill of winning Nanowrimo, but next year will be different. I read about the Snowflake novel writing method on the Internet, and it makes a lot of sense if you're geeky enough to know your fractals. Simply put, I should start with a seed upon which my novel will grow, a short summary of the novel's theme. Then I write another version that adds a little more detail to the seed, making it longer without taking away its coherence. Then I write another version of the second draft, and then another, with each version having more detail than the last. The original short story will gain embellishment and complexity over and over again the way oral traditions do with each telling, until I reach the 50,000 word limit that will qualify it as a Nanowrimo novel. Of course, I'd probably be bored out of my wits by the fourth or fifth draft, but it makes a lot of sense since I'm more experienced with writing short stories than novels.

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