Jess the Bastard and Gail the Bitch

September 2000 - September 2009

Leave me alone and let me be happy, little girl.

Raichu Natividad and Hazelnut Ramos

19 July 2000 - 31 July 2009

Two people who chose to write a little love story together

Look, I know she's under eighteen, okay?

Oh, I'm definitely going back next year.

Sadako (from the movie Ringu) has nothing on Gail 100% Bitch Free

Mang Mel's CD, which I bought yesterday at Pook Ricarte for 350 bucks

I went straight to UP Diliman, to purchase a CD from Mang Mel, the retired janitor. For two decades, Mang Mel not only scrubbed the university floors, but also changed the lives of several students for the better. Student loans in the university need the signature of a university employee for approval; Mang Mel was only a janitor, but he was a true, blue university employee, and such were opportunities for him to extend his kindness to the poor kids. By signing his name as a guarantor for students who were desperate to get student loans, he enabled these students to continue with their studies, even though Mang Mel himself was very poor and couldn't really cover the loans at all.

Unfortunately, some of the students had forgotten to pay back their loans. As a result, their debts were immediately taken from Mang Mel's retirement pay, leaving him with substantially less when he finally left the university (the full story can be found at MikersInDaHawz). To supplement his meager resources, Mang Mel has taken to selling CDs. Thanks to one of the students Mang Mel had helped in the past, his efforts were recognized and a call was sent out to all students who would like to help the janitor who did so much good.

I visited Mang Mel's house yesterday and bought a CD as a show of support for this kickass old dude. Students everywhere who had trouble convincing their professors to trust them when looking for student loan guarantors will recognize immediately how kickass this guy is (moi included). It's just sad that he had to suffer the loss of his retirement pay as a direct result of his kindness and trust; I still don't understand how there could be any justice in this world when such sh*t happens to good people. I had to remind myself that all the justice and righteousness in this world is up to us to provide, and I want to think that, as a working professional, it seems like high time for moi to reward the heroism of such people, even with the simplest of gestures, such as buying Mang Mel's CD.

Resolutions 2009

How did I do last year?

#1 No more fucking around with the soul-sucking scum of the universe

Status: Pass

This is actually quite cool. I've gotten more friends, way more than I expected. I have friends from work, friends from college, friends from my other activities like Nanowrimo... It's insane! In a good way!

And I know for sure that they won't strangle me while I'm drunk and asleep. Hah!

#2 No more fucking around with the soul-sucking scum of the universe

Status: Fail

Ugh. I managed to do this for nine months. And then she chatted me up via Yahoo Messenger. I couldn't help it.

But, no more! No more, no more, no more! She can take care of her own insecurities, hah! She's a user and an abuser and she can burn in hell for all I care.

#3 No more fucking around with the soul-sucking scum of the universe

Ice

I met Vanessa Roxas Tan, a.k.a. Ice, last year at Nanowrimo 2007.

Chinita? Peyups Fine Arts student? Smart, passionate, idealistic, and with an age difference of about ten years from mine? Hmm... now wasn't that f*cking enlightening? (cough cough, choking on my M&M's, ha ha)

Status: Fail

I keep breaking my vow to stay away from those evil chinita artist types. Well, this time I've learned that they just don't respect me, period. I keep getting hurt, but I never learn.

This time, no more of that sh*t! There are plenty of sweet, sexy, and smart women out there who actually respect my time and beliefs. There are plenty of women out there whom I could respect for being good and kind people, even though they don't actually fit into my "ideal" type, like Tina (from Nanowrimo), for instance.

(Of course, we all know that I just can't help myself, because I'm an idiot.)

#4 Stop flirting around

Status: Epic Fail

I don't think so, HA HA HA.

Well, I think I have to tone down on the flirting bit. As long as I don't cross the line, I think I'm good. The boundaries are simple: I may have a huge crush on her, but I don't love her, so there's no reason for me to grant her any other special privileges from what my other friends have.

#5 Stop lazing around

Status: Pass

One of the best parts of my year: I finally got to see what it was like on the other side of the fence, from apprentice to master. I'm still a slow worker, but I put in longer hours (thanks to the inspiration from my QA) to make up, and my body deteriorated as a result. I also gained a modicum of respect from my peers at work, although it could be better.

#6 Keep the weight off

Status: Fail

I gained twenty (20) pounds! What the f*ck was that?! I'll chalk it up to my new work habits. Hey, I'm a programmer! I sit in front of a computer all day! Where the hell am I going to find the time to do jogging and sit-ups when there's no gym in the office?

#7 Stop lounging around

Status: Pass

I stopped many of my old and unproductive habits this year, and started to change my life little by little.

I don't procrastinate that much anymore. Hey, I can't afford it; there are people out there who are depending on me to do a good job, like Karen (^_^), and I can't let them down.

I don't read blogs that much anymore. I go over to Google Reader, see my backlog of five thousand (5000) unread blog entries, and then click on the button "Mark all as read". Hah!

I don't play computer games that much anymore. I don't watch television that much anymore. Hell, I don't even update this blog that much anymore.

And I've started a lot of things.

I've learned a lot from my mentors here at work. I've finally started fixing my relationship. I don't maintain my Mozilla Sunbird calendar anymore, but I use a regular day planner, the non-electronic paper one. Old technology works best.

I write shopping lists now. I've rediscovered the joys of shopping. I'm so much more efficient when I step out and spend the money I earn from work.

I finally got to visit the Pahiyas festival in Lumban. I finally got to finish a Nanowrimo novel. I finally got to do so many other things, things that I thought would be so difficult to do, but turned out to be so rewarding in the end.

#8 Say goodbye to your social life

Status: Pass and Fail

I've become so detached from the rest of my co-workers, especially with the departure of Aries and Karen. That was my new year's resolution, and it was a bad one. There are exceptions (cough cough) but, overall, I've turned into an outcast.

On the other hand, my social life outside work has flourished. I have to maintain a balance between the two without compromising my principles or draining my wallet.

And I have to start talking with Ramirez again. We haven't really talked much since we've gone on to different projects. I must make time for our friendship before we drift apart.

#9 Keep The Hate Alive

Status: FTW!

I'm so proud of myself. (^_^)

Mad Props!

This year is dedicated to a number of people. I've realized that a person can do so much more when good people surround him or her, friends who are always there to provide moral support when needed. That's why I have to take care of the good people who have influenced my life.

The Highway Star Thanks so much to Aries Andrada, the bastard who kept annoying the hell out of me at work. His crazy antics went too far sometimes, but he kept me laughing and on my toes. Good luck with your ROR project in New Zealand, Aries! Whenever I feel like NOT working... I file a SL I'll pass on your sage advice to my kids, Aries.

Thanks so much to Karen Conanan, the quality assurance engineer who inspires me to do the right thing even though fixing bugs is hard to do. Good luck with your job as a business analyst in Singapore, Karen! Wow! Would be delighted to read your novel. Just be prepared for my comments... anyway, take care. Learn alot and record your accomplishments somewhere. Hehe :-D I promise to heed your advice and do just that, Karen. The Angel on My Shoulder

Even More Mad Props!

My Best Friend

Clair, the only other woman in my life (besides my girl and my future daughter/s) whose face I'd hold in my hands with total affection during a hug

Clair and moi at The Coffee Bean and Tea Leaf in Greenbelt 3

Clair has been my rock, my spiritual adviser, and my best friend for over a decade now. We haven't seen each other in three years, and I was afraid that we were drifting apart. Almost the entire length of Metro Manila separates us, and our interests have diverged so much as we grew up.

However, when we met again over the Christmas break, I couldn't believe how easy it was to talk with her, and share my life with her. I realized that two hearts that really cared for each other could overcome all odds and never become total strangers. I hugged her so tightly right before I left for the MRT Ayala Station, and it felt like I've never stopped hugging her, caring for her, and being her friend all this time.

My Writer Friend

Mayen (right) with her friend, roommate, and co-worker Ruth at the badminton court

Mayen and moi playing badminton at Sta. Rosa, Laguna

I've taken my college classmate and writer friend Mayen on so many adventures, such as at my highschool or at the old infopiracy haven formerly known as Greenhills, so that I can help expand the horizons of my esteemed peer in the field of creative writing. In return, she helped me out during this year's Nanowrimo. During our discussions, she helped me outline my plot, breathe life into my characters, and break out of writer's block with some idea or another. I could never have finished this year's Nanowrimo (for the first time in half a decade!) without her.

Recently, she has invited me over during Saturdays to play badminton with her and her friend Ruth. What can I say? It's so much fun! They've got loads of experience on me, but I think I'm catching up pretty fast. It's a great way for me to lose the twenty pounds I've gained the past year, and the three of us get to enjoy breakfast together afterwards.

In addition to the joys of playing badminton, Mayen was the one who introduced me to mug design, thanks to her gift certificate from the print company TouchArt. We go out to watch movies sometimes, and I always annoy her after the movie with my post-viewing commentary; she thinks I over-analyze the movie when I could just accept the ride and enjoy it. Lately, I've been trying to get Mayen to help me flirt with Ruth, but she says I have to prove my worth first, for obvious reasons. Mayen has already introduced me to Ruth as our college batch's quirky Cassanova, and Ruth already knows I have a total crush on her.

My Little Sister

Shey sticking a knife through the back of my head while I edit her picture on my computer

Shey and her Christmas gift for moi when I treated her out at Sbarro

Shey has taken the place of the little sis in my life (I have no biological sisters) since we met in college. I've been treating her out every so often since our college days, and we've grown rather close.

Now that we're both working professionals, she still looks up to me, and I try my best to take care of her. When she asks for it, I give her calm and level-headed advice for her love troubles (advice that I won't follow for myself, HA!), and help her out with whatever crazy fad she gets into.

I really appreciate it when she turns the tables and treats me out for dinner with her own salary; the fact that my little sister's doing well for herself, thanks to her resourcefulness and ability, actually makes me proud. I've promised to help her resolve this current love issue she has with this guy, over drinks at a bar. What can I say? We're from Los Baños, and everybody knows that LB college students, in general, love to go out drinking; alcohol keeps our bodies warm, especially during the cold nights in the forested area near Mt. Makiling.

What have I learned this year?

#1 It's okay to fall in love with someone else other than your girlfriend

As we all know, there is a distinction between loving and just being in love. I fell in love with Karen's tenacity, her moral uprightness, her fastidiousness... but I didn't exactly love her. Karen had become a symbol of everything that was good and honest and just in the software development world, but I didn't really love her as a person.

As written in the novel Catcher in the Rye (all praise the greatest novel ever written!), a quote from the character Mr. Antolini to the protagonist Holden, which, in turn, was a quote from the psychoanalyst Wilhelm Stekel:

The mark of the immature man is that he wants to die nobly for a cause, while the mark of the mature man is that he wants to live humbly for one.

With regards to Karen, I probably won't ever give her a bouquet of roses, keep her entertained when she's bored, or stand by her as her ever-reliable friend in times of need. But I'll continue to live up to the morals that she has inspired in me, especially when it comes to being a good software developer. By writing reliable and less buggy code, I'll try to make this world a better and safer place, thanks to her.

How is this any different from my past crushes? I failed to redirect the passions I harbored for them into more constructive outlets because of a very simple reason: I wasn't really in love with anything about them. Sure, I was totally in lust because of their physical appearance, their radical ideas, and their quirky attitudes, but they never really inspired me to become a "good" person. They were just, for lack of a better word, cool, but their appeal lies more in the intellectual and physical realm rather than the moral and spiritual.

I like to think that my feelings for Karen transcend mere "coolness" and focus more on what I want to become as a person. Being a champion of good and a fixer of bugs isn't exactly what most people would consider "cool", but that's what Karen is to me, and that's how I want to live my life from now on.

#2 My DNA goes after the wrong women

Back then, I used to think that my DNA knew best when it came to selecting the women on whom I get crushes. After all, my DNA knows the exact immunities with which I was born, and it guides my senses in choosing a partner that has the most complementary set of immunities. Having such a partner means that our offspring can have its pick from a wide set of immunities, inherit genetic strengths from either me or my partner upon conception, and thereafter enjoy comprehensive protection against all manner of infection thanks to those genes.

So, when I go crazy over those cute chinita women for no apparent reason, it's not really me; it's my genes. Over the years, my genes have exhibited this awful consistency in the physical looks of the women for whom I get crushes; from Lei, to Gail, to Kat, etc., the list goes on and on...

Well, at each instance, my genes have totally, utterly, absolutely failed me. Therefore, my genes are total crap when it comes to choosing women.

Yes, I know that it's not as simplistic as that; we all know that nurture plays half the role in our social/sexual/emotional/psychological preferences. Still, my genes are a huge part of my nature as a human being capable of infatuation, and their track record has remained absolutely dismal.

Maybe it's because I'm getting old, or my awful history, or both. I don't know the real reason, but, whatever it is, it has made its mark; my crushes for chinita women are on the decline. Neither my QA, my Nanowrimo ML, or my Writer Friend's roommate particularly fit the physical chinita type for which I usually went crazy during my late teens and early twenties.

Who knows? Given my awful genes, this change might work. Or my misfortunes might not have had anything to do with my genes at all (gak, straight right through the old ego there, ha ha).

#3 Organize, organize, organize!

People known as slackers (like moi) usually go for a less complicated life, by cutting down on their responsibilities and trimming off the unnecessary considerations required of adults. Slackers get to live a simple life because they don't go out to parties, they don't participate in novel writing challenges, they don't strive at work to get promoted, and so on. By shunning the seemingly needless complexities that plague almost everyone else, they have a lot of free time to lounge around, go on road trips, smoke weed, and do next to nothing.

Among the many price tags attached to this uncomplicated lifestyle is the lack of achievement. Sure, many slackers would argue that such indicators of progression, even though they are not necessarily evil, are major contributors to stress. Well, I don't know about those guys, but having achieved something makes me feel good about myself, as long as I don't put down others in the process.

Of course, this long and arduous struggle for continuous evolution and improvement will place huge demands on my time, energy, and money. How on earth am I supposed to juggle these demands for being a good employee, boyfriend, father, novelist, artist, and so on, all at the same time, without losing my mind? The answer is simple: I've got to get organized.

Back then, while I was working through my apprenticeship at work, I'd just do whatever was the task at hand, without planning for the future. If I came up with a good idea for creative fiction, I'd write it when I was in the mood; when the inspiration would pass, I'd drop all my efforts and leave my short story unfinished. My friends would go out on adventures without me, because I felt as if I never had any time to prepare, despite the fact that I did almost nothing during my free time. The twenty-four (24) hours in a day never seemed enough. In short, I was a total loser.

Now that I've gotten more organized, I've realized that I get a lot more stuff done even though the number of hours in a day stayed the same. There are people at work who depend on me to finish tasks quickly and efficiently, and I can't afford to let them sit idle because my company demands high thoroughput. By actually scheduling enough hours within the day during the Nanowrimo, I was able to finish my crappy novel. The little free time I have left are actually spent doing things that I actually enjoy, so that time isn't wasted at all.

It's amazing what a planner and a to-do list can do.

One of the best things about this new lifestyle is that I can take a look at my checked off to-do list at the end of the day and say to myself: "Yeah, I did that, and I'm frikkin' proud that I did." Whether it's watching the Pahiyas festival in Lumban, writing a Nanowrimo novel, fixing an urgent and important bug at work, making all the purchases and buying the groceries during a major sale to cut expenses, or even just getting through that pile of dishes on the kitchen sink, that boost of self-confidence after actually finishing something is definitely worth all this so-called "needless" complexity.

My New Year's Resolutions.
No?
Yes!

#8 No more fucking around with the soul-sucking scum of the universe

There are people out there who just aren't worth my time. Sure, I can just grin and bear it, but my patience has worn thin over the years, and a couple more such people will just give me a cardiac arrest someday. Until they finally own up to their own mistakes, I'm better off without them.

#7 No more fucking around with the soul-sucking scum of the universe

That includes the original big three (Lei, Gail, Kat) and the rest (Citas, Ice, Ada, etc.).

Must stay away from cute chinita women who are more than five years younger than moi. Must learn from my experience with Kat Luzon. Must remember that, even if she's only one day away from her eighteenth (18th) birthday, she's still a minor, f*cking around with her constitutes statutory rape, and the punishment would be death by getting beat up by my fellow inmates in prison.

#6 Tell more stories about my colorful life

My life has been absolutely colorful and noteworthy, and I think other people would find it interesting. It's a great way to both broaden my social circle and increase my chances of connecting with other people. Who knows? Maybe through my stories I'll find someone else who has gone on to the same crazy adventures. I don't know for sure, but there's a good chance there are other people out there who are also crazy over spectacular native festivals, modern art films, and absolutely bitchy lesbians.

#5 Teach and learn techs

The demands of the tech world are constantly changing, and a developer who doesn't keep up will soon find himself or herself out of a job. With that in mind, I plan to (finally!) become a Java expert (via the certification exam), a Ruby maven, and an all-around tech guru.

#4 Learn and finish more things!

Yup, I'm nearing the big three-oh, so I better go out and explore the world as much as I can before dementia inevitably takes over. This includes learning new foreign languages, visiting more exotic places, and experiencing, to the fullest, the little fun surprises that life keeps tucked away around the corner.

#3 Keep off the weight

Gotta get back to my fighting weight of 140 lbs! This means more exercise, a stricter diet, and plenty of rest or sleep. No more staying up late at night (unless I absolutely have to).

#2 This is the year that I'll finally quit smoking

Ha ha, yeah, we've heard that before. From very-important-day-of-the-year-number-one to very-important-day-of-the-year-number-two, I'll try my best to stick with my cigarette-consumption-cutting program.

And, last, but not the least:

#1 Keep The Hate Alive

Happy New Year, you sons of bitches.

I'm the janitor of this stinking place
and I want to smash your f*cking face
cos if you're the guy who pumps his balls
and writes all over these sticky walls
F*CK YOU!

Before the start of the current millennium, this was written behind the door of a men's bathroom somewhere inside my old highschool . Classic.

Nanowrimo 2008
The Recap Episode

In case you missed it...

• Part One: Beginnings - What exactly is Nanowrimo again?
• Part Two: My Stuff - My fifty thousand words of crap... in bite-sized pieces... yum...
• Part Three: Jackasses - Sartre once wrote "Hell is other people."
• Part Four: For The Win! - Fifty thousand words? Done.
• Part Five: Endings - What I'll miss about Nanowrimo once it's over.

Loose Ends!

Mad Props!

I just want to thank the following people for lending me their invaluable moral and emotional support during the month of November. As I've realized this year, to win Nanowrimo, the participant has to surround himself or herself with good people. These people are the best people I know, and they actually called me up to give me their reactions, sent me congratulatory or consolatory messages, and punched or slapped me in the face whenever I wrote something stupid.

Many thanks to: The Dragon Lady, my college literature professor, for teaching me why novels exist in the first place; Clair Ching, my best friend, for accepting who I am and for trusting me to accept her as she is; Nikki Ramirez, my programmer friend, for commiserating with me on Karen's departure; Mayen Marquez, my writer friend, for encouraging me via plot analysis sessions over either SMS messages or alcohol whenever I ran into writer's block; Tina Matanguihan, the Philippines' municipal liaison, for still caring after us Nanowrimo participants even though the fun, magic, and novelty of it all have worn off for her; Karen Conanan, my QA, for inspiring me to do what is right even though the right thing is always more difficult to do; and Boris, my pet elephant, for scrubbing my computer monitor clean with his face whenever the glass gets too dirty.

What's next?

Now that I have my novel, what the hell am I supposed to do with it? Nanowrimo suggests that I take the time to revise it, polish the rough spots, and then, maybe, publish it. I don't know about that; this piece of literary crap was just written to help me get emotional catharsis, and I have no intention of sharing the polished version with anyone else other than the two women who are its intended audience.

However, if there's any act of righteousness that Nanowrimo has inspired me to do this year, it would be the kindness of donating to a worthy charity. By sending a donation to Nanowrimo, I can help their backing non-profit organization, the Office of Letters and Light, keep the Nanowrimo servers running for the year until the start of the next one in November 2009. I've been really evil, having participated for half a decade without sending an actual donation, but I can afford it now thanks to my relatively stable income.

You know, I don't usually give to charities, because they're usually nothing more than just beggars in suits, but people who know me really, really, really well can guess the real reason why I do any honorable or noble act. Of course, it's always because of a woman; this time around, it's Tina herself, that adorable cuteness who I can only dream of dating.

Hey, wait a minute! I was just kidding! Sheeesh!

Well, that's part of the reason anyway; Tina inspires me, what can I say? Seriously, though, for the sake of righteousness, I'm going to donate this year. The guys and girls behind Nanowrimo have given the world so much, by inspiring writers and keeping their hopes alive year after year, and it's time for me to give something back.

I can't believe it. I'm actually planning to donate to a charity using the money I earn as a working professional. You know what that means, don't you? It means I'm getting old.

Nanowrimo 2008
Part Five: Endings

How This Year's Story Came To A Close, a.k.a. The Nanowrimo TGIO (Thank God It's Over) Party

I didn't go to last year's TGIO party, because I was busy looking for a job. Now that I have a job, I was really looking forward to finally seeing for myself what the TGIO party was like. I half-expected it to be full of tired-looking writers, all of them as sick and tired of their novels, as I was.

Wine and cheese toast was served at the registration table. I didn't eat any.

OMG! Who the hell is that young cuteness browsing the anime section?

Because of the sheer number of writer idiots (including moi) that fit inside such a small space, Fully Booked has set a new record for the highest recorded jackass density in the universe.

My first Nanowrimo TGIO! And I won an award!

Those who stayed behind (including moi and Tina) had dinner at Pancake House.

Tala and I had cigarettes. I thought the conversation would never end!

This year's TGIO party was a fully organized evening event at Fully Booked, the posh bookstore at Bonifacio High Street in The Fort area. I actually work in The Fort, with the Market Market shopping complex only a quick fifteen-minute walk away, so I just dropped by after work with my laptop. There were no tired-looking writers there; all of the fresh faces from the kick-off meet-up were more interested in chilling out and talking about their interests than in anything related to Nanowrimo.

To my delight, I got to see this uber-cute Pinoywrimo chick browsing the bookshelves. She looked rather young, and she was a total fashionista, which hinted at her high socio-economic status. Still, the sight of her made my blood boil (rawr!), and, before I knew it, I was falling for the whole chinita cuteness trap again. I need her phone number, dammit! Too bad I was too chicken to actually go up to her.

We partook of the available wine and snacks before we were ushered into a small screening theater, where the awarding ceremonies were held. Palanca-award-winning writer Njel de Mesa gave the welcoming remarks; he tossed off a casual comment about how we should pronounce his name right because he was a judge at the Palanca awards. He didn't have any writing background, but he won the Palanca on his first try. I didn't care too much for him; his words gave me the impression that he was an arrogant prick harboring literary delusions, just like some of my professors back in college.

Next came the Word Warriors awards, for the highest accumulated word count during the output contests Tina gave over Yahoo Messenger. To my amazement, the first name called was that of the Nanowrimo handle Dia Aren Marie, for her total of 11,540 words. I looked up to see that awesome cuteness stand up and take the award, the same girl I had lusted after only a few minutes ago at the bookshelves. Her name turned out to be Melissa, and she was eighteen years old.

Good lord! She's ten years younger than I am, and she had already finished a Nanowrimo novel! And here I am, fantasizing about women who are a decade younger than I am. I'm turning into a DOM, or Dirty Old Man.

Hey, I can't help it if these young women interest me more than women my age! I don't know any woman my age who has actually won a Nanowrimo (and looked absolutely cute while doing so, ha ha ha!). Seriously, most of the women in my generation suck so much that I actually prefer women at least half a decade older or younger to them. I like the fact that older women no longer give a damn but can appreciate life at a deeper level, having lived through it before. I like the fact that younger women like the same things I do, because the secret to staying young is keeping one's heart young. Some of the women my age are total jerks, sensitive in all the wrong places (both physically and emotionally) but too jaded to take another look.

The actual ceremonies were a snoozefest. I just wanted to curl up and go to sleep.

I already thought Tala was a bit crazy when we talked during the Nanowrimo Kick-off.

I hope to see Addy at next year's Nanowrimo!

Tina got me a copy of Big Bang Theory. Why the hell do I find her cute all of a sudden?

My Never Say Die award for my first time win after all these years. Perseverance? Nope, just plain old stubbornness.

Boris wore my Nanowrimo cap, took a look at my award, and then told me that I'm a total jackass for having won such a thing.

There were other awards, but I had already considered sneaking away for a cigarette because I was bored out of my wits. As luck would have it, the Pinoywrimo Tala (who went under the Nanowrimo nickname PetalGlassJade) joined me outside for a cigarette. Tala is a few years older than me, a UP Fine Arts student who used to work as a freelance graphic designer before joining a non-profit organization. Unlike the rest, she was a Nanowrimo newbie, and I had fun as a Nanowrimo veteran in showing her the ropes.

From our cigarette conversation together, I gathered that she was kind at heart, leaning more towards ignorance than wickedness, which I totally dig. On the other hand, man, that woman could talk! She could probably blab for hours about her post-apocalyptic novel, and how she totally hates her job. Man, I thought, this girl has so many issues, but, at least, she's not one of those pretentious jackasses. I have this funny feeling that she's latching on to me as if I were her boy toy, which I don't usually mind, but recent experience (cough cough) has taught me to stay away from crazy, emotionally starved women.

Tala and I made our way back to the screening room, and I heard someone call out my name as I tried to sneak my way back to my seat. As it turned out, I won a Nanowrimo award, and I have received this plaque to prove it! I won the "Never Say Die" award, for my first time win in four years. It was nice to know that these guys actually appreciate the fact that I kept coming back for more Nanowrimo punishment even though I kept failing every year before this. Anne (a.k.a. DeSanggria) also won a "Never Say Die" award for the same thing, four years of sticking with Nanowrimo. In a way, the award made me feel old compared to not just the Nanowrimo newbies, but also the Nanowrimo veterans.

All the Nanowrimo winners for this year received little maroon felt hats, with a feather stuck on top, which we wore during the photo op. I wore my hat with pride; hell, it's my first time Nanowrimo win, and I'll take the humiliation any day. Just winning Nanowrimo was enough; I can't wait to try my luck again next year.

After the event, Tina, Tala, Addy, a few other Wrimos, and I decided to have a very late dinner at Pancake House in Bonifacio High Street. I usually don't eat at High Street because the prices are waaay expensive, but I guess I deserved to treat myself out for having won Nanowrimo this year. I like to believe that everyone had so much fun at the post-TGIO dinner because the hunger had driven our inhibitions away. Tala got to browse on my laptop the last scene I wrote for my novel before the lengthy soliloquy, while Tina and I had a laugh over a newly discovered common interest: the television sitcom Big Bang Theory. What can I say? Tina knows my kind of humor, and she definitely kicks ass compared to some of the other women I know (cough cough).

Before we parted, Tina gave me a copy of her movie computer media files containing all the shows from the first two seasons of Big Bang Theory, which I copied directly from her drive to my laptop. I plan to watch all the episodes during the week-long weekend from 25 December 2008 to 1 January 2009, in a continuous marathon of geekiness. Mad thanks to Tina for the copy; if I ever become a fan of the series, it would be because of her and nobody else.

Nanowrimo 2008
Part Four: For The Win!

A Three-Hour Date with Tinamats, a.k.a. the Nanowrimo Mid-Month Write-In

Tina, the fearless and tireless leader of the Pinoywrimos, scheduled two Nanowrimo meet-ups for the month. For the first Nanowrimo mid-month write-in, the Pinoywrimos gathered at The Coffee Bean and Tea Leaf (a coffeeshop again!) at Greenbelt in Makati. I brought my laptop and typed away in silence while sipping my coffee; everybody else there did the same thing. Tina gave each of us a challenge in the form of a word count; we were supposed to finish a certain number of words in half an hour, so that we could be productive.

Unfortunately, of all the numbers I randomly picked from the basket, I got a rather high count of a thousand (1000). The thought of churning out two pages worth of drivel within thirty minutes didn't faze me, and I got close, but only made nine hundred. Still, the afternoon was amazing, given that the change of writing environment actually brought out my creativity, and I was able to finish at least two thousand (2000) words between 2 and 5 p.m. As a reward for that rather high word output, Tina gave me a prize: a chocolate bar!

The second write-in's venue was at The Coffee Bean and Tea Leaf (ugh, I'm so sick of those coffeeshops) back at Robinson's Galleria in Ortigas. I stepped inside to find only Tina at the Nanowrimo table. It seemed that everybody else was at the northern write-in somewhere in Trinoma. HA! Everyone else was up north, and I had Tina all to myself for an entire afternoon! I'm such a lucky bastard!

"What? We're the only two people here?! MWA HA HA HA HA!"

While Tina and I typed away in silence, I secretly fantasized about going out with her. Well, she's not chinita, my usual type of girl, but she has a nice laugh, and everyone knows I'm a huge sucker for that. She's also knowledgeable in computers and software, being a web developer, and she's passionate about her work and Christianity. At last, I thought, a girl after my own heart, someone with whom I can totally relate.

It must have looked wierd, if the people at the coffeeshop had taken a good look at us. A girl and a guy out on a date, sipping their coffees but not looking or talking at each other, just typing away on their computers. However, at the end of the writing session, I finally got the chance to put my laptop away and take the time to hang out with Tina for an hour. I didn't want to spoil her concentration during the writing session, but we both needed a break from the writing, and the respite gave us a chance to get to know each other better. She's totally unlike all those other bitches that usually fit my fantasies, like Miss BLEEP (evil word deleted) and Miss COUGH (evil word deleted).

Mental note to self: if we were both single, I'd totally go out with her, har har har.

Fifty Thousand Words, FTW!

On the early morning hours of the 30 November 2008, I looked at the word count at the side of my Microsoft Word program and realized I only had a thousand words left. Rather than advance the plot, I took the opportunity to insert into my novel a personal tirade against the evils of certain programming languages (cough Python cough), as an inner soliloquy by the main character. Hey, the character Rey Avicenna is a software developer too! It seemed only fitting that he should share his opinion about how some programming languages suck more than others.

I wasn't finished with the novel by any means, but I didn't care. The whole Nanowrimo experience had left me totally sick of creative writing, and I just wanted to finish my word count so that I can finally win my first Nanowrimo. At around seven in the morning of the last day, I uploaded the whole file to the Nanowrimo server. My entire month of hard work paid off when I finally unlocked, for the first time, the Nanowrimo winner's goodies.

The whole Nanowrimo experience taught me a couple of things about creative writing.

That's my cute pet elephant, and kickass writing partner, Boris.

1. If you really care about your novel, you won't enter Nanowrimo in the first place - Nanowrimo encourages bad writing habits for the sake of a deadline. The reason why great novels take so long to write is because every sentence, every expression, every word required the utmost care and scrutiny before the writer adds it to the page. If I were to ever write my real first novel, I wouldn't wring it out in thirty days or less, while juggling work and a household at the same time. I'd take a break from real life and give my real novel the attention and love that it deserves.
2. I can only write in sprints, not in marathons - One of the reasons why I love writing short stories is because the demand for brevity has trained me to fit all the action within a single scene. Sure, I use flashbacks and descriptive exposition, but the real art of writing short stories is to trim all the unnecessary fat so the essence is all that's left for the reader to appreciate and analyze. My biggest challenge in writing short stories is to capture an otherwise ordinary and uneventful five-minute period and turn it into a life-changing moment for the main character. The problem with Nanowrimo novels is that there's too much space for detail. Going for brevity will probably cause me to produce less than fifty thousand words; hell, the whole plot of Love in the time of Subversion can fit inside a three-part short story by simply isolating the life-changing moments and adding a paragraph or two for background, at around 10,000 words only. To get those extra forty thousand words, I had to pad my story's word count by introducing description and detail, the very fluff that I despise when reading novels. That's one of the reasons why I absolute hate my Nanowrimo novel; it goes against every writing rule I ever had.
3. Next year, I'll try the Snowflake Method - This year's Nanowrimo was a total disaster, because I was more focused on achieving my word count. Kind of forgivable, since I had yet to taste the thrill of winning Nanowrimo, but next year will be different. I read about the Snowflake novel writing method on the Internet, and it makes a lot of sense if you're geeky enough to know your fractals. Simply put, I should start with a seed upon which my novel will grow, a short summary of the novel's theme. Then I write another version that adds a little more detail to the seed, making it longer without taking away its coherence. Then I write another version of the second draft, and then another, with each version having more detail than the last. The original short story will gain embellishment and complexity over and over again the way oral traditions do with each telling, until I reach the 50,000 word limit that will qualify it as a Nanowrimo novel. Of course, I'd probably be bored out of my wits by the fourth or fifth draft, but it makes a lot of sense since I'm more experienced with writing short stories than novels.

Nanowrimo 2008
Part Three: Jackasses

Those Pretentious Jackasses at Nanowrimo Philippines, a.k.a. the Nanowrimo Kick-Off

Oh no. Yet another Nanowrimo kick-off in yet another coffeeshop. Just like last year.

This year, I made it a point to wallow in as much Nanowrimo love as I could, even though I'm awfully busy at work. Getting to know writers from all over the Philippines is part of the Nanowrimo ordeal, which terrifies the hell outta me because I'm usually more of an introvert. Last year's Nanowrimo had pretentious jackasses all over the place; this year was no different.

Last year, the Pinoywrimos met up at Tokyo Tokyo (IIRC) in SM Megamall. This year's kick-off meet-up was at The Coffee Bean and Tea Leaf, at Robinson's Galleria in Ortigas. Oh great, I thought, not another coffeeshop; faithful readers know how much I hate those (and the Dragon Lady hates them too). The kick-off meet-up was scheduled one week before the actual Nanowrimo, but we were expected to bring our ideas for our novels by then.

To my delight, Tina Matanguihan, a.k.a. tinamats, the indefatigable Municipal Liaison (or ML) for the Pinoywrimos, actually recognized me from last year. Guess I made quite an impression, even though we've only met once before and we haven't seen each other in almost a year. I remembered her as being homely and uninteresting; for some reason, this year I actually found her attractive and charming. Then again, it might just have been a side-effect of the Fara complex.

Thankfully, this year was more organized, which was very serendipitous given the doubled attendance. Instead of just introducing ourselves to everyone, and talking about our novels, Tina actually had a special activity prepared for us. We sat in a huge circle, and Tina handed each of us an index card. She told us to write our ideas for the novel on the index card, and then we'll solicit advice and/or suggestions from our fellow Wrimos by passing the card around. Every two minutes, we would hand our index cards to the person seated on our left, and receive the cards handed by the person on our right. We'd read the comments on the index card from the original author as well as other Wrimos, and then add our own before passing the card again. In this way, the cards would pass through the hands of all the Wrimos, gathering reactions all the way, until a complete circuit brought it back to the hands of its owner.

Tina ripped the idea off from other Nanowrimo groups overseas, and, what can I say, the idea kicked ass. I read a number of hilarious comments, and there was this stranger who kept adding comments about penguins. Here's the contents of my index card after everyone had read it and written on it.

Protagonist finds a co-worker's desk full of love letters unsent to Protagonist's bestfriend.

First girl returns to the company with a relationship to new guy?

Second co-worker turns out to be promiscuous and tries to sleep her way to the top.

New guy suddenly turns out to be gay and uses it to his advantage?

The girl he fell for turns out to be embezzling funds.

New guy suddenly turns nice for no reason.

supposed to be a comedy?

Fire drill prank; locked in the fire exit stairs (prankster & prankee).

The company will get into trouble, and they're all at the risk of losing their jobs and become allies.

The guy discovers something about his love/rival that can damage his reputation & he may end up losing his job but he could not divulge what he knows. Turns out the guy is the long-lost son of the cmopany president.

second co-worker is related to first girl who leaves (cousin, half-sister?)

A scene of a rainy night

1st guy does lose the job, gets work in same company as first girlfriend

second co-worker becomes friends wi/ the former co-worker

doughnuts... chocolate cream and sprinkles on top... caramel-ish filling... hot coffee... brewed black...

turns out guy who falls in love with everyone, aim is to be the manager of all, the CEO of the whole company

it happens that office romance is not allowed at all

overtime at the office

IT group in the office taps MC's cache of sites visited

Somebody comes to the office wearing a donkey head (like A Midsummer Night's Dream)

unrequited love from another office worker

Nanowrimo Freebies Galore!

Just like last year, we got ourselves a Nanowrimo goodie bag. IIRC, our booty last year were pens, paper, and a bunch of stickers. This year, thanks to Tina's excellent logistics, we got a lot more stuff.

NaNoWriMo Philippines Survival Kit Contents:

Boris loves my Nanowrimo survival kit goodies, especially with some fava beans and a Chianti.

• Month-long Novelist Agreement
• Welcome letter
• Progress chart
• NaNoWriMo 2008 sticker
• Pinoywrimo sticker (yay!)
• Memo pad
• 3 pcs green Post-it™
• 5 pcs 4x6 index card
• Foldable clip
• "Magic" NaNoWriMo Rubber Bands
• Paperclip
• Pins
• Emergency Plot Device
• No. 2 Pencil

How Nanowrimo draws you in its grasp and never lets you go

Every year, Tina carefully writes a welcome letter to all the Nanowrimo participants for the year. It's basically an introduction to Nanowrimo, with a cheerful message of hope for the Nanowrimo veterans. Seeing the Nanowrimo letter again gave me quite a bit of nostalgia after all these years.

How I sold my soul to the Devil in exchange for a novel

Break Glass in Case of Writer's Block

"Hey, cute girl! I didn't see you last year!"

One of the best things about this year's Nanowrimo, that I totally missed last year, was the woman named Addy, another Nanowrimo veteran. She has short, straight hair, and wonderful chinita eyes hiding behind her clear glasses. She didn't join last year, which is probably part of the reason why I didn't feel particularly motivated (no cute chicks, HA!). I added her as one of my Nanowrimo writing buddies. Too bad she has a boyfriend though... Wait a minute! What am I saying?! Didn't I just make a vow to stay away from those cute chinita artist chicks?

Tina bundled up an Emergency Plot Device in our Nanowrimo loot bag. The emergency plot device was wrapped in paper, so I couldn't tell what was in it, and the sticker outside read:

EMERGENCY PLOT ITEM

The item inside this is only to be used in the direst plot emergency. Open and the item inside will enter your novel!

The warning made me darn curious. I tried to look through the paper by holding the package up to the light, but the silhouette was too blurry for me to make out anything. I'm never going to end up using this, I thought. I had too many events running through my head already, and I just needed to organize them, not more plots. I reserved the emergency plot item until the last day of November, considering the satisfaction of my curiosity as a treat and a personal reward for when I finally finish my ordeal.

More about the emergency plot item next time. Hooray for NaNoWriMo November 2008! Check it out the Nanowrimo website at http://www.nanowrimo.org

Nanowrimo 2008
Part Two: My Stuff

Okay, so what's your novel?

Title, or that thing you won't find in bookstores anytime soon

That's my novel title right there.

The title of my novel is Love in the time of Subversion

All the magical realist literature fans out there will recognize that the title is a blatant rip-off from that of a celebrated novel. I acknowledge that the title was inspired by the work penned by Gabriel Garcia Marquez, but the similarity ends there. I'm a GGM fan myself; anyway, the novel is about love, and the title just reeks of catchiness that I'd be a fool to pass it up.

All the computer geeks out there will recognize that the last word, Subversion, is the name of the one of the world's most popular, non-distributed version control systems. They would be right; this novel talks about Subversion not as an act, as in "to subvert" or "to undermine", but as a beloved computer program that keeps software developers from clobbering each other's code. The novel talks about computer geek things, because it is, essentially, geek lit, a sub-genre I personally claim to have co-invented with all the other writers out there who create literature from the computer geek's point of view. Hell, I'm a f*cking software developer; what did you expect?

Summary, or how to tell crap at first glance

Rey Avicenna has a huge problem at his job as a Java software developer. He has fallen madly in love with his quality assurance engineer Karen, the woman who inspires him to care about and love his job. With Karen having gone to Singapore, Rey finds his working days boring, lifeless, and downright depressing.

The arrival of Fara, the plucky new PHP website developer, throws Rey's heart in a tizzy as he slowly becomes close to her. However, with another one of his co-workers acting as his rival to Fara's heart, Rey's still unsure as to whether he should take the chance. Will Rey ever make it in this company, or should he just quit and leave for another job?

Yes, painfully obvious, isn't it? The novel is about my life, and, unlike most other novels, the details aren't exactly hidden under layers of subtlety. Hey, I'm proud of living a topsy-turvy life, of which I'll never get bored; that's why I love writing romans à clef.

From left to right:
May, Master Hardell, Karen, Rey, Fara, Erwin, Melo, Vic

Setting, or where all the sh*t takes place

Almost every event in the novel takes place in the present day (year 2008), in the offices of the software development company Startpoint. Based in almost every way on the actual place where I work.

Characters, or the cast and crew of this rapidly sinking ship

Rey Avicenna is the novel's protagonist. He's a self-righteous and lonely slacker who works as a Java programmer. He's not that brilliant or charismatic, but he has a good and kind heart. Based in almost every way on moi, save for the "good and kind heart" thing.

This character shares the same name as the five other characters I've created for my short stories. Hey, I just like the name, okay? "Rey Avicenna" sounds much better than my uber-crappy real name, so I use this persona very often.

Karen "Kaycee" Carino is one of Startpoint's quality assurance engineers. Her job is to stop the software developers from shooting themselves in the foot by pointing out all the bugs in their code. Karen doesn't know it, but Rey falls in love with her because of her conscientiousness, which appeals to his strong sense of fairness and justice. Based on Phoebe from the novel The House of Seven Gables by Nathaniel Hawthorne, as well as one of my former co-workers.

Karen comes to visit Startpoint after working for three months in Singapore, forcing Rey to reevaluate his feelings for her.

Fara is one of the newbies, and she becomes one of Rey's few friends in the company. She's not particularly smart, sweet, or sexy, but Rey finds her adorable and ultimately develops a crush on her. Unlike Karen, for whom Rey has fallen since day one, Fara slowly charmed her way to Rey's heart over the course of several months as they worked together.

Rey plans to court Fara, but decided to put it off until he was sure of his feelings. An office rumor tipped him off to the secret that Fara had already hooked up with Melo, one of his other co-workers, and Rey instantly regrets having waited too long.

Erwin is Rey's friend since highschool, and it was upon Erwin's recommendation that Startpoint hired Rey in the first place. Erwin is a genius in his field, but he has had a growing dissatisfaction with his job, to the point of considering to leave the company. Rey feels guilty because he has had more advancement opportunities than Erwin even though Erwin had been his lifelong mentor.

Master Hardell is Rey's teammate from the Java team. He's geekier, smarter, and more charismatic than Rey, but they affectionately call each other "Master" in respect of the other's abilities. When the Java team leader left the company, Hardell and Rey were handed the keys to the company's Subversion server, that veritable treasure vault which houses the development history of the Startpoint's software projects. Charged with the code vault's security and maintenance, the two reigned as kings over the server, with each one backing up the other in times of emergency.

Melo is the senior PHP developer who used to head all development and maintenance of Startpoint's quick and dirty web projects. He never had a girlfriend before, and is well-liked by everyone for his rich but non-demeaning sense of humor. Upper management chose to override his implementation decision after the arrival of the new PHP technical lead, despite all the long hours Melo had poured into the project, leading to absolutely costly delays for the sake of scalability. In the end, Melo ended up with Fara, which drove Rey almost insane because of jealousy.

May is the new Ruby on Rails developer recruited fresh out of college. To get any usable work out of her, Startpoint management put her under Rey's mentorship. Through her, Rey experienced what it was like on the other side of the seniority chain, given that he himself had been a mere apprentice only how many months before. Rey vows to teach May with the same zeal and care that his previous Java team leader had showed him.

Vic Garcia, whose ass is tree-monkey bait.

Vic Garcia is the company's lone graphic designer. I gave this character the dirtiest desk, the worst manners, and the quirkiest personality because he stands out as a creative visionary swimming in a sea of technical people. He provides comic relief throughout the novel, and he has the funniest observations about life. Very much based on my own company's wacky graphics designer.

As an inside joke, somewhere in the novel, Vic gets raped by tree monkeys.

Theme, or what college literature students think it's all about

Karen is the queen of okray, or criticism, at the office.

Karen berates Rey for doing a poor job.

Karen leaves, and Rey slowly starts to fall for Fara, but he doesn't court her.

Fara, frustrated by Rey's indecision, gets together with Melo. Rey is PWNED! Hilarious!

Before Nanowrimo, I talked with the Dragon Lady (all praise the duchess of literary criticism!) about my plans for the novel. Her college professor instincts kicked in, and she asked me what was the theme, or the point, of my novel. Every important piece of literature has something to say, and this novel was my opportunity to tell the world of my own take on life.

I couldn't answer her question then, and my silence must have struck her as awfully pathetic. Hell, all I wanted to was write about my colorful and exciting life, especially because I needed an outlet for all the sh*t that had been bugging me at work, particularly the prevalent and damaging problem of nasty office gossip. Later, in the course of writing my novel, I realized that I learned a few lessons thanks to all those bastards and bitches at the office, and I guess those lessons comprise my novel's theme.

The first, and most obvious theme, is about love. In the first place, the title Love in the time of Subversion has the word "love" in it because it's about love in the workplace, particularly in a software development company. We all know that relationships in the workplace almost always never work, because of power relations. However, these relationships still happen to a lot of people; quite often, in fact.

In the novel, Rey has to decide between two women, whether he'll go with the woman who inspires him, or the woman who makes him smile and laugh. Is the decision a no-brainer for you? Well, it wasn't so simple to me, and writing it down was therapeutic because it helped me clarify my feelings.

The less obvious and more important theme is about apprenticeship. This novel basically chronicles Rey's rise through the ranks as he moves from the role of apprentice to that of a master. It's about how the seniors hand the reins of responsibility to the younger generation, and how much faith it takes to actually place their hopes in a future that was previously theirs to influence, shape, and control. Yet another rite-of-passage novel, I know, but it's a lesson that I found awfully inspiring in real life, and totally worth writing down.

Nanowrimo 2008
Part One: Beginnings

What the hell is Nanowrimo?

Ever dreamt of becoming a novelist?

In your idle hours of daydreaming, have you ever wished for the chance to show the world that you have what it takes to make a work of literature? Have you ever wondered what it's like to sit among all those writers whose novels you've read and cherished? Well, real writers don't just sit there, they actually do something about it, and Nanowrimo is one such opportunity for them to make their dreams come true.

National Novel Writing Month, or NaNoWriMo (http://www.nanowrimo.org) for short, is an annual adventure into creative writing that lasts from 1 November to 30 November. For exactly thirty days, writers from all over the world are encouraged to actually finish a novel, that huge morass from which very few people escape without severe emotional trauma. They help and inspire each other (through the magic of the Internet) to do the impossible. Participants are considered "winners" of the Nanowrimo if they manage to finish fifty thousand (50,000) words before the clock strikes midnight on the last day. Year after year, Nanowrimo winners from almost every field prove the inspiring truth that, no matter the background, status, or professional training, anyone can finish a novel.

I've joined Nanowrimo for how many years now, since I first learned about it, and I've never finished a single novel. Totally sucky, I know. I never had the time, the commitment, the creativity to pull it off. I've gotten better though with each year, though; my lowest word count is nine thousand (9,000), and my highest word count had been up to eighteen thousand (18,000).

Why the hell do I join Nanowrimo even though I suck at it?

A long, long time ago, the Dragon Lady (all praise the duchess of literary criticism!) told me that I can write. Since then, I've written a couple of short stories, but never a novel. I've always wanted to prove that I can write a novel before I reach the age of thirty (30). After all, if a person has never done something by the time he or she hits the big three-oh, the chances of that person ever taking up that challenge in the future drops dramatically.

I want to be able to tell my kids: "Hey, your old man was able to finish a novel in his twenties. You should go out there and live your life to the fullest!"

I won! Take that, you bastard sons of bitches!

Yes, my kids are going to be total slackers, just like their father.

And I'll be able to make fun of them for being slackers, because, guess what:

This year, I actually won the Nanowrimo.

My novel is fifty thousand words of pure crap, but it's my crap, and I'm damn f*cking proud of it. Of course, Nanowrimo is all about putting away your internal editor and just writing away like a madman, but it's still crap that I won't bring to publishers anytime soon. Still, there's this immense feeling of pride over accomplishing what Palanca award-winning novelists have done, and I'll relish it for the rest of my life.

Fifty thousand words in thirty days might seem too much, but it's not really that hard once you get down to the basics. All you have to do is follow the wisdom of professional writers, and anyone can do it. That's the point of Nanowrimo in the first place: to encourage literary expression in anyone and everyone.

How to win the Nanowrimo (and not lose your sanity):

On this day,